We are going to talk about the hidden drain behind mom burnout.
Do you ever feel like no matter how much you do in a day, it’s never enough? You wash the dishes, and five minutes later there’s a new pile in the sink. You finally fold a load of laundry and finally get it put away, and somehow the basket is already full again. Or maybe you cook dinner, and immediately there’s a mess to clean—and another meal to think about tomorrow.
If you’ve ever wondered why does it feel like what I do doesn’t matter? or why am I so exhausted even though I was busy all day?—you are not alone. And today, we’re diving into the surprising science behind why this happens, how it connects to stress and burnout, and most importantly — what you can do about it.”
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s still so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel — and I believe motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.”
I also wanted to let you know that if you have a specific questions or issue you’re stressing about, I would love to hear from you - head over to jillgockel.com/ask to send your question directly to me and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Because you don’t need more pressure to do it all perfectly.
You need support that helps you breathe again, stress less, and love motherhood more.
Alright, have you ever had one of those productive days, where you are just motivated like crazy to tackle all the problems around your house? Well one morning, I woke up, and that was me. It was one of those days. I was absolutely fed up with the mess around me and decided that instead of waiting on my kids to clean up after themselves, I was gonna use the day to get the house completely back in order.
So I started off tackling Mount Laundry, you know the one. I spent hours washing, drying, folding, and putting all the clothes away. And just as I put the last basket away—my son walked in, dropped his basketball uniform on the floor, and asked, ‘Uh, hey, can you wash this before my game?’
I just stood there thinking, are you kidding me? I JUST finished!
Then in the afternoon, I went from room to room like a madman on a mission, getting everything picked up off the floor, tidying bookshelves and desks, making beds and tossing trash, everything I could do as fast as possible to get the rooms cleaned back up.
So when I got through with half the upstairs, I walked out to the living room to see that while I was busy cleaning, my kids had basically pulled out all our toys from the basement and had them strewn through the living room, the kitchen, the dining room. The basement was an absolute disaster. It was so frustrating!
And I was so defeated. I mean, I just gave up right then and there on cleaning the rest of the day wondering: does anything I do around here even matter?
And later that night, after cooking dinner, I walked into the kitchen—it looked like a war zone. Piles of dishes, crumbs everywhere, sticky mystery spills I still haven’t solved. And I thought: how is it possible that I worked all day and there is absolutely nothing to show for it?
Suddenly it hit me… this is exactly why so many of us moms feel completely drained.
And that’s what I want to dive into today—this hidden piece of mom burnout that comes from one simple thing: The work we do at home almost never stays done. And that has a real impact—not just emotionally, but physiologically
So here’s the problem: the work moms do at home doesn’t usually have lasting results. You make a meal—it’s gone. You clean a room—it’s messy again. You wash clothes—they’re dirty by bedtime.
This isn’t just a messy house or a long to-do list. When your work goes unseen day after day, it leads to exhaustion, resentment, and that creeping stress and burnout so many moms feel but can’t put into words.
The good news is there is a reason you feel stressed and depleted even after working all day.
You know that feeling when you finally sit down at night, but your brain won’t shut off? You’re replaying the dishes still in the sink, the email you forgot to answer, the field trip form that’s due tomorrow. And that, my friend, is something psychologists call the Zeigarnik effect.
It goes back to research from the 1920s, when a psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik noticed something curious: waiters in restaurants had an amazing memory for unpaid orders, but once that bill was settled, they forgot the details almost immediately. In other words, their brain was holding on to incomplete or unfinished tasks—sometimes obsessively—while letting go of the completed ones.
Now, think about this in terms of mom life. Most of our work falls into the ‘never done’ category:
Laundry is never done.
The kitchen is never done.
Meal prep is never done.
Housework is never done.
Even parenting itself is never done.
So your brain gets stuck in a loop, constantly flagging unfinished things, keeping you in a state of tension. So instead of celebrating the ten things you did accomplish today, your mind is rehearsing the five things that still look undone.
Can you focus in on that sentence? You accomplished so much! But because of the nature of kids and family, what you accomplished looks like it wasn’t done.
And here’s the kicker—this doesn’t just feel stressful, it’s physically exhausting. Because when your brain keeps rehearsing unfinished tasks, it triggers a low-grade stress response: your cortisol levels rise, your sleep gets disrupted, and your nervous system stays in ‘on’ mode.
This is why so many moms collapse into bed at night and think, I’m so tired… but I still have so much left to do. It’s not that you didn’t do enough. It’s that your brain literally isn’t wired to celebrate what’s finished when there are so many things still sitting undone.
Let me give you a real-world example. Ok? So in my lifetime as a mother, I have been a working mom when I only had two kids, and I’ve been a stay at home mom when I had the twins, so that made kids number three and four. And when number five came along, I was a stay at home mom.
So when I was a working mom, I had a job outside the home. When I would finish a project, I’d email it to my boss, and it’s checked off— it was done. I could look at it and feel so accomplished. I had something tangible I could look at at the end of the day and say, yes, I completed that. My brain got to close the loop.
But when I transitioned to being a stay at home mom, all the sudden I spent my day doing housework. I finished the laundry but before bedtime, there was another pile. I cleaned the kitchen but by the time my kids had a snack or another meal, it was messy again.
None of my loops were ever closing.
So, in which situation do you think I felt more mentally drained?
If you said when I was a stay at home me, you are exactly right! And it’s not because I worked less. I mean, I actually put in more hours as a stay at home mom than what I did as a working mom.
The problem was that my brain never got to release the ‘done’ signal.
And that is why the Zeigarnik Effect is such a hidden driver of mom burnout. Your brain is keeping a running tally of everything that’s incomplete. And unfortunately as moms, most of the things that you get complete - within hours, minutes, or by the end of the day - they’re suddenly incomplete again. And at the same time, your brain is minimizing what you did accomplish. So over time, that creates a cycle of stress, self-doubt, and exhaustion.
If the Zeigarnik Effect means your brains hold onto unfinished tasks and keep you stuck in that stressed-out loop—what do you do about it? We can’t exactly stop feeding our kids or doing laundry, right?
The good news is, there are ways to hack your brain so that it gets that sense of closure, even in the middle of never-ending tasks. And that in turn lowers your mental fatigue and stress level.
So if you want to give yourself permission to have mental freedom from unfinished tasks, lean into this quote:
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson nails it with this quote on how you can tackle the Zeigarnik Effect head-on—and let go of unfinished tasks so they don’t haunt you.
Let’s walk you through three practical strategies that you can do just that.
1. You need to Celebrate Micro-Completions
Instead of waiting for a huge task to be 100% finished, give your brain permission to celebrate progress.This is incredibly important for moms because you may have finished one load of laundry but by the end of the day, it seems unfinished. So you need to celebrate the progress.
One load of laundry is folded? Done.
The dishwasher is loaded? Done.
Kids’ lunches packed? Done.
Check it off, clap for yourself, even say out loud: That’s finished. Research shows that when you mark completion—even on a micro-level—it helps the brain release tension and reduces the stress loop.
So remember, celebrate those micro-completions.
The 2nd strategy is to use a Done List (not just a To-Do List)
Ok guys, this is actually my favorite thing to do! It is a simple but powerful swap: instead of only tracking what you need to do that day and what’s left to do, keep a running Done List. So that at the end of the day, you’ll see all the invisible wins that your brain would otherwise ignore.
Studies on productivity show that acknowledging completed work increases motivation and lowers stress—because it closes the mental loop.
And moms, I’m telling you—when you see ‘Kept toddler alive’ or ‘Read bedtime story’ written on your done list, it reframes everything. You’re doing so much more than your brain gives you credit for.
Ok, so remember, strategy #1 is to Celebrate Micro-Completions. Strategy #2 is to use a Done List. Make a list of all the things you got accomplished.
And #3, Anchor in the True Meaning of Your Work. Sometimes the only way to soften the loop is to shift the story. Instead of focusing on the never-ending dishes, remind yourself: these dishes mean my family was fed today. This laundry means my kids have clothes to wear.
There’s a scripture in Colossians 3:17 (NABRE) that says:
‘And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.’
Friend, that means your laundry counts. Your dishes count. Your late-night Amazon order for school supplies—it all counts when it is done in love. And that’s something to be grateful for.
In fact, studies on gratitude show it literally rewires your brain, shifting focus from stress to satisfaction. So while the Zeigarnik Effect keeps you circling the unfinished, gratitude anchors you in what matters - the progress, who you’re doing this for.
And those are the three strategies that you can put into place today.
But if you have to pick just one, here’s the one thing I want you to do today: make yourself a Done List. Every time you finish a task—big or small—write it down. This is a living, growing list, all throughout your day. So that at the end of the day, read it back to yourself.
And when you look around and the house is a mess, the kitchen has dishes all over, dirty laundry is back in the laundry basket, you can look and say, hey you know what? I unloaded the dishwasher today. I did a load of laundry today. I picked up the living room at some point today, even if it doesn’t look like it. I answered an email. I called the car shop.
All these little things add up so that at the end of the day, instead of looking around and thinking, what I did didn’t matter. Instead you can look and see, hey, I was productive. I did meaningful things today. And this little shift is like giving your nervous system a deep breath. And over time, it can retrain your brain to stop fixating only on what’s left undone.
And this will move you from mom stress and burnout into feeling fulfilled again.
Before we close today, let me leave you with this story. So obviously you know that in motherhood, there were times where I felt like all I did was wash dishes. Every day, the sink filled up, I scrubbed, dried, put them away—and within an hour, it was full again. It was like I was on a hamster wheel, running but going nowhere.
Then, one night, my little girl pulled up a stool next to me and started drying the dishes. And as we worked side by side, she said, ‘I love helping you, Mommy. I want to do dishes with you every night.’
And in that moment, I realized—it was never about the empty sink. The dishes weren’t just dishes.
They were a rhythm of care, a backdrop of love, and an example that my children would carry forward.
Mama, I want you to hear this: the work you do doesn’t vanish. Even when it doesn’t stay finished, it leaves an imprint—on your home, on your kids, and on the love they feel.
So today, instead of asking, ‘What didn’t I finish?’ try asking, ‘Where did love show up in what I did?’ Because that’s the legacy that lasts long after laundry, the dishes, or the meals are gone.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, I would love to hear from you! Hit subscribe and leave a review.
And while you’re there, would you share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it? Because we all need a friend to lean on when times get tough.
Also I’d love to hear directly from you—
What’s stressing you out right now?
Where are you feeling lost?
What are the things that make you feel like you’re drowning, or the part of motherhood you wish you could enjoy more?
Go to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest question or struggle.
I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes, so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
