How many times have you felt like you’re the only one holding all the details together—like if you stopped thinking for five minutes, the whole house would fall apart? Who needs new shoes, what’s for dinner, when’s the doctor appointment, whether tomorrow is school spirit day… and somehow, all of it just lives inside your brain?
Do you ever lay in bed at night, wide awake, running through a list of sports gear, ballet shoes, snack sign-ups, and that permission slip you still haven’t signed? If that’s you, mama—this episode is where you need to be.
In this episode, we’re gonna tackle the mental load of motherhood that is a huge contributor to mom stress, exhaustion, and running on fumes. So stay tuned because you’re not just going to understand what’s going on behind the scenes of your mental load but you’re also going to learn what you can do to reset it.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
I also wanted to let you know that if you have a specific questions or issue that you’re stressing about, I would love to hear from you - head over to jillgockel.com/ask to send your question directly to me and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
So this episode features a mom who reached out saying, “One of my biggest stressors is the constant mental to-do list—keeping track of everything for my kids’ sports, ballet, homework, and allll the activities. It never ends.”
And honestly… haven’t we all been there?
Just this week, I was juggling a broken-down van, early morning drop-offs, a preschool water bottle that I forgot the day before so had to make sure I remembered that day, raffle tickets for school, vitamins, breakfast, backpacks, snacks, and reminding each kid of their after-school activities. And that was all just by 7:15 in the morning.
By the time I thought about dinner plans, grocery pickup, and how to squeeze everything into the truck like a giant Tetris game, I felt exhausted—and I hadn’t even made it to lunch yet.
Sound familiar?
When you’re a mom, it can feel like you are responsible for remembering every little detail to set your kids up for success and keep your family functioning so that they’re where they need to be at all times.
That mental list running through your head - guess what? It has a name: research calls it “cognitive labor” or the “mental load.” It’s basically the invisible work that nobody sees, but it’s what keeps your household running.
And research shows that moms carry the majority of this invisible labor—around 73% of the remembering, anticipating, noticing, planning, organizing, and reminding—that falls on the shoulders of moms.
When you ask a dad what’s for dinner, he typically just spouts out an easy meal without giving it much thought. But a mom? She’s going to pull out the recipe box and start flipping through each recipe. She’ll anticipate how the kids will respond: is there going to be any fight back on it, is everybody going to eat it?
Once that recipe passes the test, then she’s going to look at the ingredients that are on hand and evaluate does she have time to run to the store to grab missing ingredients or does she need to find a different recipe for the things she has on hand. She’ll mentally play out the day to figure out when she has time to actually make and bake the meal or if it’ll take too long.
Backplaying the day’s schedule to determine whether she’ll need to use the oven, crockpot, instapot, stovetop, air fryer, whatever it is. And let’s not forget the side dishes and how that plays into the meal. So It’s no wonder that some nights it ends up just being cold cereal or hot dogs with chips for supper.
And you don’t need to feel bad for carrying this weight of the invisible labor, it’s just the way your brain works.
But unfortunately all this constant mental juggling tells your brain that you cannot rest. And when your brain perceives that you can’t rest, guess what happens? Your stress hormones like cortisol surge to give your body the boost it needs to get it all done. And when cortisol stays high, it messes with your immune system.
Um, hello! From the mom who's been fighting a cold for forever!
It also messes with your digestion, memory, and even your mood. It’s why you feel foggy, snappy, and sometimes like you’re failing when really, you are just overloaded.
One of the biggest reasons the "mom mental to-do list" feels so heavy is because the human brain was never designed to juggle so many tasks at once.
Moms usually think that they have a unique superpower to multitask and handle multiple things at one time. Does this mental to-do list sound familiar to you?
“Ok, in the morning I need to wake the kids up by 6:30, look for the missing homework before school, grab the ballet shoes before walking out the door, tell the teacher my kid will be riding the bus home today, call the dentist right at 8:00 so I can get in today, prep snacks for the kids to eat after school, thaw chicken immediately when I get home, and have dinner ready by 5:00 on the dot so my kids can eat before practice.
But here’s the sad truth, studies show that your active memory can only hold about four things at a time. Four. That’s it!
So this example mental to-do list that I just gave had 8 items on it. 8 items that moms needed to remember to do first thing in the morning. That’s 4 items more than her active memory can hold. And you KNOW that list was only just the tip of the iceberg for what you’re usually juggling with your mental to do list.
It’s no wonder you feel like something’s always falling through the cracks. Because anything you’re holding beyond 4 items will actually start to “spill out” of your memory. Your brain simply doesn’t have the capacity to hold all the items you’re juggling every day on your mental to-do list.
My mom was complaining about her phone being so slow the other day. When I looked at it, I found that she had sooo many apps open running in the background, I don’t think she had closed out an app on her phone a day in her life.
Well, think of your brain like a smartphone. If you have too many apps open, your brain slows down, it glitches, and eventually crashes.
Moms are often running 30+ “apps” all at once—trying to remember 30 or more things all at the same time. And then they blame themselves when their brain “crashes”, causing them to forget the water bottle, snap at a child, or put off making supper until it’s too late and everyone is hangry and having meltdowns.
When you are holding that many running tasks in your head at all times, your brain goes into overload just like that overloaded phone. It starts to drop details (“Wait, did I already sign that permission slip? Where did I set my phone? Why did I even come in here?”) and your focus and attention span is basically nonexistent because your brain is constantly context-switching between ballet shoes, dentist appointments, and what’s for dinner.
It actually increases your risk for forgetfulness and memory lapses, doing the exact OPPOSITE of what you need your brain to do.
Friends, I have been so paranoid that I have the early onset of Alzheimer's because I couldn’t remember anything. It was sooo bad. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t Alzheimer’s, it was just that I had overloaded my brain for so long, carrying that to-do list in my head, that I’d worn it out.
Your brain only has so much bandwidth. And each item you’re trying to remember in the background: meal planning, doctor appointments, playdates, laundry, groceries, sports schedules, grab that item before you walk out the door. Each one drains your battery life.
It explains why moms often feel fatigue without doing much. It’s not that your body didn’t move mountains—it’s that your mind carried them.
When you carry a never-ending to-do list in your head, you rarely get to experience true mental rest. Studies show that chronic mental load increases cortisol, which makes it harder to feel joy in the present moment.
Instead of laughing during bedtime stories, you’re thinking, “Did I switch the laundry?” Instead of enjoying your coffee and quiet time in the morning, you’re running through “What can I make for dinner?” This constant stress of “checking and planning” steals your ability to enjoy the simple, happy moments of motherhood.
With an overloaded mind, even small requests from your kids feel heavy. “Can I have a snack?” suddenly feels overwhelming, because your brain is already maxed out. And this can lead to irritability, snapping, or shutting down emotionally. Over time, family life feels more like managing logistics instead of enjoying each other.
And maybe the hardest part—when you inevitably forget something (because your brain is carrying way too much), you don’t say, “Well, that’s because my brain has a limit.” You say, “I’m a bad mom. I cannot keep it together.” One forgotten water bottle turns into poof, you’re failing—when in reality, you’re just carrying an impossible load.
Mama, this mental to-do list isn’t just making you tired. It’s stealing your joy, crushing your confidence, and putting a silent wedge in your family connections.
So what do we do about it? Well the answer isn’t to try harder—it’s to offload smarter.
David Allen once said, "You can do anything, but not everything."
You can’t erase the fact that moms juggle a lot — but you can change how you carry it. Here are three simple strategies that will help unload your brain and create more peace, without dropping the ball for your family.
Strategy # 1 is to Brain Dump Daily
Take 5–10 minutes to write down everything swirling in your head, get it on paper. Think of it as giving your brain permission to rest, because the paper’s holding it for you.
Research shows that when people write tasks down, their brain stops worrying about the tasks. That’s why journaling before bed helps you sleep better—it stops your brain from rehearsing tomorrow’s to-do list all night long.
And for moms, brain dumping means:
Less anxiety → because you trust the paper to remember for you.
It helps you be more presence → because you can actually enjoy the moment without reminders popping up in your head.
And you have better patience → because your brain isn’t overloaded, so you don’t snap as quickly.
You’ve cleared space in your mind for the funny stories, the sweet snuggles, and creative ideas that otherwise get pushed aside by stress.
Keep that list with you at all times and any time something pops in your head, get it down on there. That way you’re taking your mental to-do list out of your brain and putting it on paper.
Strategy # 2 is The 2-Minute Rule
If something takes less than two minutes—do it immediately. Sign the permission slip, toss the ballet shoes in the car, reply to the text.
Whatever it is, it may seem like pushing it off isn’t a big deal, but each undone “little thing” sits in your brain like an open tab, creating stress. Doing it right away shuts that tab down. It also prevents the guilt spiral of forgetting. Over time, this creates a new self-identity for yourself that, “I am capable. I’m on top of things. And I am a good mom.”
And Strategy #3 is Make Your Phone Your Personal Assistant
Your phone can hold more than selfies and recipes—it can carry your mental load. Put every task, reminder, and event into your digital calendar. Let your phone ping you when something matters, instead of running through it all in your head.
Research shows that anticipatory stress—worrying about what’s coming—lights up your brain’s fear center as if it’s happening right now. By scheduling tasks and events into your phone, you release tomorrow’s stress and only deal with today.
That means less overwhelm for you, more presence with your kids, and a huge boost in confidence because you no longer are relying on your brain alone to juggle it all.
“Clarity is the cure for overwhelm.” When you give yourself clarity on what needs your mental focus right now, you free up space to show up with joy.
I’ve learned to live by my phone calendar. Sports schedules, snack duty, projects—even “figure out what’s for dinner” goes in there. That way, when my parents asked what meals I wanted at their house weeks away, I didn’t spiral. I simply said, “Not today—I’ll decide that later,” and set a reminder on my phone.
And you know what? The stress melted away, because I trusted the reminder would tell me when it was time to think about it. I didn’t have to carry it anymore.
So the next time you find yourself floundering in all the things you have to remember, go back to those three strategies we talked about today and put them in action.
Strategy 1 - Brain Dump
Put that list of alllll the things you have to do and remember down on paper. Write *everything* swirling in your brain and keep adding to it all throughout the day when new things pop up.
Strategy #2 - Practice the 2-Minute Rule
If something will take you less than two minutes, do it immediately.
And Strategy #3 - Make your phone your personal assistant
Put every event, task, or to do list item into your phone’s calendar app so it’ll remind you throughout the day when something needs done.
My favorite calendar app is called Informant. You can add events, onetime or recurring tasks, create checklists for tasks that have micro-steps, plus it gives you a preview of your events and tasks on the monthly calendar so you can see what the week holds with a quick glance. It’s amazing.
Find the app that works for you and run with it, it will truly give you so much freedom and mental space. Just imagine if your phone was the thing that popped up and said grab the ballet shoes. If you phone was the item that popped up and said make sure to call the doctor and it’s telling you that right at 8:00.
So much freedom and mental space is available when you put these three strategies into place.
As this episode comes to a close, here is your challenge: Grab your phone and immediately put three tasks from your mental to-do list into your calendar or reminder app. Offload them now, and give your brain a break.
Psalm 55:22 says: “Cast your cares upon the Lord, who will give you support. He will never allow the righteous to stumble.”
Mama, you don’t have to carry the weight of your mental to-do list alone. God can handle the burden that feels too heavy. Trust in Him.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, I would love to hear from you! Hit subscribe and leave a review.
And while you’re there, would you share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it? Because we all need a friend to lean on when times get tough.
I’d also love to hear directly from you—
What’s stressing you out right now?
Where are you feeling lost?
What are the things that make you feel like you’re drowning, or the part of motherhood you wish you could enjoy more?
Head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest question or struggle.
I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes, so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
