Are you a stressed mom constantly wondering if you should “pick this battle” or just let it go? Do you feel exhausted from correcting your kids nonstop and feel helpless in knowing what battle to pick? If you’re stuck in the cycle of second-guessing—constantly wondering: Am I being too strict? Or am I totally messing up my kids?—this episode is for you.
Today we’re going deep on why the back-and-forth between constantly correcting and stressing over picking the right battle is stealing your peace — and what to do about it to calm the stress so you can finally parent with more confidence.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Today, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Today’s topic comes from one of our listeners who reached out saying that one of her biggest stressors comes from trying to pick her battles with her kids. This is a really important topic because while we think we’re doing the greater good, constantly correcting and choosing our battles wisely with our kids, it’s actually a hidden trigger for stress in moms.
The other day, my kids were supposed to be getting ready for bed but instead were too busy laughing their heads off, dragging their feet, picking on each other, and making silly faces instead of brushing their teeth.
You know that moment where you’re tired, your patience is thin, and you’re thinking: Do I pick this battle? Or do I let it slide because it’s not the end of the world?
But then the spiral started: If I let this go, am I teaching them that rules don’t matter? But if I push it, we’re both going to end the night upset.
My shoulders tensed, my stomach knotted, and I could feel the stress rising until I finally blew and snapped at them.
By bedtime, I wasn’t just drained—I was grumpy, guilty, and honestly… sad. Because it hit me: that night I was more focused on correcting instead of connecting.
And it got me wondering… why is it that whether I’m constantly correcting or I’m trying to pick the right battle, I feel constant stress. Why does it feel like every decision rests on your shoulders, like you’re either raising a future CEO or a future troublemaker depending on what you say in that exact moment?
Have you been there?
There’s a heavy weight you carry as a mom, which builds up stress when you are constantly correcting or hyper focused on picking the right battle.
When you’re a mom, your brain is wired to protect and correct. You feel responsible for shaping every aspect of your child’s future. So when they push back—whether it’s bedtime, chores, or schoolwork—it feels like an attack on your duty as a mother.
Your kid’s resistance is a signal to your brain that you are entering into conflict with your child and your brain sees this as a threat. Your stress center part of your brain fires up as it prepares your body for battle. Your brain cannot distinguish between a battle of wills and a physical battle for your life. So even though there’s no actual danger, your brain is still preparing your body for it.
As your heart rate spikes and cortisol rises, you find yourself suddenly on edge. That stress doesn’t just affect you—it floods into your tone of voice, your relationship with your child, and how your child learns to regulate their own emotions.
When every interaction feels like a tug-of-war, you end the day drained, questioning if you’re a good mom.
The truth is, fighting every battle and constantly correcting your kids chips away at your peace, your health, and your connection with your child, creating more disconnection, more mom guilt, and less joy.
So here’s the big question, if you know that constantly correcting your kids and getting after them leaves you feeling stressed and like a bad mom, why do we all continue to do it?!
While there are a lot of reasons, like fear of judgement for your child's behavior, the comparison perception that good moms raise perfectly behaved kids, or jumping to the worst case scenario (thinking this messy room means my child will be an irresponsible adult!). However, the one I want to focus on is that constantly correcting your kids gives you a false sense of control.
When you become a mom, you go from a life of calm, predictable order, to one of continual chaos. And the brain craves order. The human brain is wired to look for patterns and reduce unpredictability.
Kids, by nature, are unpredictable—tantrums, resistance, mistakes, moods. When you correct your child, it temporarily restores predictability: the child complies (or at least stops), and the brain registers, “Okay, order has been restored.”
On a subconscious level, moms equate correction with protection. “If I correct the behavior now, I’ll prevent bigger problems later.” This taps into the mom’s protective wiring—so correcting feels like she’s actively keeping her child safe and her family on track.
While overwhelmed with dozens of decisions a day, correction can also become the brain’s fast-track solution. Instead of calmly teaching or letting natural consequences play out (which takes energy), moms default to correcting—because it feels like quick control in the moment.
And when moms feel internally chaotic, correcting their kids can feel like regaining internal calm. It’s less about the child’s behavior and more about reducing their own sense of overwhelm: “If I can make them stop, I’ll feel calmer.”
Deep down, you know that correcting everything isn’t sustainable. But the fear is real: If you don’t correct them, are you letting them get away with bad habits?
So how do you find stress relief in the midst of picking your battles?
St. Augustine said:
‘Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ.’
In motherhood, it’s possible to find peace in the midst of trouble and it doesn’t have to wait until the trouble is gone.
You can find that peace right now using these three simple strategies.
Strategy #1 is to Calm the Internal Battle Before the External One
Here’s the thing: most battles with our kids actually start as an internal battle inside of us.
When your child pushes back—whether it’s refusing to put on shoes or dragging their feet at bedtime—it triggers a flood of thoughts: “Why won’t they just listen? What am I doing wrong? What if this means I’m raising a disrespectful child?”
That inner dialogue makes the conflict feel bigger than it really is. And your brain and body respond like you’re under attack. Cortisol rises. Your heart beats faster. Your shoulders tense up. Your nervous system shifts into fight-or-flight—even though the “danger” is a child refusing broccoli.
This internal battle multiplies your stress because you’re not just dealing with your child’s behavior—you’re wrestling with your own fear, guilt, and doubt at the same time. That double load is why moms end the day mentally and physically drained.
But when you calm the internal battle first—through deep breathing, a pause, or reminding yourself, “This doesn’t define me as a mom”—your brain’s stress alarm begins to quiet down.
Your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, lowering your heart rate and calming cortisol levels. The body moves out of fight-or-flight and back into rest-and-digest, which is where clarity, patience, and connection live.
In short: calming the inside battle keeps the outside one from escalating. It allows you to respond instead of react—and that’s where peace and stress relief begins.
Strategy #2 is to Take a Self Time-Out
Let’s be honest—moms are experts at pushing through. You can be exhausted, overstimulated, and one step away from snapping, but you still think, “I don’t have time to step away. I just have to deal with it.”
The problem is, when you ignore those signals, your body keeps running on stress hormones. Your patience gets thinner, your reactions sharper, and your guilt heavier—because when you finally snap, you think, “See? I can’t even handle my own kids.”
But taking a self time-out—even for 60 seconds—completely changes the story. When you step into the bathroom, sip water, or breathe at the kitchen sink, you’re giving your brain a signal of safety. Safety tells your body it can stop pumping out stress hormones. Your heart rate lowers. Your mind clears.
And here’s the surprising gift: instead of increasing mom guilt, a self time-out decreases it.
Why? Because it proves to you that you are the kind of mom who recognizes her limits and takes responsibility for her emotions before they spill out on her kids.
That’s not failure, mama—that’s wisdom. It rebuilds your confidence and reminds you: I can step away, calm down, and come back better.
That creates a ripple effect. Your kids experience a calmer mom, which strengthens connection. And you begin to believe: I am capable of showing up as a good mom, even when I need to pause.
And finally Strategy #3 is to Release Post-Battle Tension.
Stress doesn’t just live in your mind—it gets stored in your body. You might notice it in tight shoulders, clenched jaws, headaches, shallow breathing, or even stomachaches. That physical tension keeps your nervous system “on alert,” which means you stay in a stressed-out state long after the conflict is over.
When your body stays tense, joy feels out of reach. You’re distracted, easily irritated, and running on fumes. Productivity dips. Energy drains. Even simple tasks feel harder because your body hasn’t let go of the fight.
The solution? Actively release it. Here are some simple ways and why they work:
Stretching. When you stretch, muscles lengthen and built-up tension gets released. On a biological level, stretching triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which lowers heart rate and blood pressure while reducing cortisol.
You can also shake out your arms or legs. This might feel silly, but shaking physically discharges the energy of stress from your nervous system. Think of animals after a scare—they shake instinctively to release adrenaline. Moms can do the same to signal, “The danger has passed.”
By releasing the tension, you free your body from carrying yesterday’s battles into today’s moments. You regain energy, lightness, and the ability to laugh and enjoy your kids—because your body and brain are finally on the same page: the battle is over.
There's a quote out there by Thich Nhat Hanh that says:
“Peace begins the moment you choose not to fight with yourself.”
Often the loudest stress comes from within, and choosing internal peace over pushing through is a powerful weapon against mom stress.
One day, my son and I had one of those classic “battles of will” over homework. I felt myself heating up inside—the classic signs that I was about to snap. But instead of jumping in, I used strategy #2: I walked to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water, and breathed.
By the time I came back, my energy had shifted. I wasn’t fighting myself anymore, and I didn’t need to fight him either. I calmly told him the expectation, and because I wasn’t on edge, he actually listened.
What could’ve left me emotionally drained and exhausted the rest of the day turned into a quick resolution. And more importantly, I crawled into bed that night free from mom guilt and feeling more connected with my child.
So the next time you feel the tension rising as you pick your battles, remember these three strategies to diffuse your stress:
Strategy #1 - Calm the Internal Battle Before the External One. Take a deep breathe, a pause, or remind yourself that, “This doesn’t define me as a mom”
Strategy #2 - Take a Self Time-Out. Step away from the situation. Go into the kitchen, grab yourself a glass of water, or take a breath at the kitchen sink
And Strategy #3 is to Release Post-Battle Tension. Stretch those arms out, shake your arms or legs, and feel the tension release from your body.
As this episode comes to a close, I challenge you to take a few minutes to tune into any stress or tension you’re currently holding in your body and stretch it out. Notice how this shifts both your stress and your ability to connect with your child.
Philippians 4:7 says:
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
This peace isn’t about your child doing everything right or you making every perfect decision as you pick your battles. It’s about God guarding your heart so you don’t carry the stress of every battle. You can trust that His peace is greater than your uncertainty, greater than your guilt, and greater than the chaos of motherhood.
Mama, you don’t have to fight every battle within yourself. You don’t have to pick every fight with your kids. You can parent with peace and confidence, because you are not parenting alone.
Make sure to tune in next week to find out how trying to be everything for everyone is leading you straight to the pits of mom burnout and find out 3 ways to take back your peace.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, rest, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
