Are you exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone? Do you feel like you’re holding your whole family together while slowly falling apart yourself? If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t keep up… I’m stretched too thin… I’m failing everyone I love”—you are not alone.
Today we’re talking about why trying to be everything to everyone leaves you empty — and three ways you can release the pressure and find peace without feeling like a bad mom.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.”
I also wanted to let you know that if you have a specific questions or issue you’re stressing about, I would love to hear from you - head over to jillgockel.com/ask to send your question directly to me and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Today’s episode comes from a mom who wrote in saying her biggest stressor is feeling like she has to be everything to everyone.
Our society puts so much pressure on moms to be the perfect wife, the patient mom, the friend who always shows up, the daughter who never disappoints, the chauffeur, the chef, the relentless school and church volunteer, the story reader, the homework assistant, the nurse, the psychic who can anticipate every potential problem, and the head cheerleader at all your kids’ events. But at the end of the day, you feel invisible. It’s like you’ve disappeared inside the roles I play for everyone else.’
Maybe that’s you, too — living for everyone else while feeling more and more drained, resentful, and running on empty.
Here’s the problem, when you try to be everything for everyone, you lose yourself in the process and get swallowed up by mom guilt. You become defined by roles — mother, wife, friend, caregiver — and your own needs are pushed to the margins.
My kids love the show Dude Perfect. It’s a show about 5 dudes, a camera, and a friendly bet. These guys are now dads and have made a living challenging each other on camera and sharing their antics with the world.
Well, on one of their episodes, they challenged themselves to see how far they could drive a Lamborghini before it ran out of gas. The car’s fuel gauge showed a quarter tank of gas was left when it was nearly empty. They kept on driving and eventually ended up stranded on the side of the road, thinking there was still gas in the tank.
That’s what moms do. You think you have an unlimited ability to go, go, go, and eventually your tank is drained and you crash.
Trying to be everything to everyone activates your stress response system 24/7. In fact, a 2021 APA study found that women who feel constant role overload show 30% high daily cortisol levels — and when cortisol is constantly elevated, it wears down your body, making you more prone to anxiety, depression, and even illness.
Even when moms feel mom burnout setting in, they continue pushing themselves to keep showing up, keep doing it all. But running on empty all the time leads to adrenal fatigue, poor sleep, and that bone-deep exhaustion that no amount of coffee can fix. When you’re depleted, your patience and joy are the first things to disappear.
If you’ve ever snapped at your kids over something small (and what mom hasn’t?), that’s the stress talking. Instead of connecting, you find yourself constantly correcting. Instead of encouraging, you’re nagging. Not because you don’t love your family, but because you’re drained. You literally do not have the mental or physical capacity to show up as your best self. Your tank is empty.
And here’s the hard truth: while it feels like being ‘everything’ is loving, in reality, it’s draining your family of the best version of you. You can’t pour love, patience, or joy from an empty cup.
Before we get into the three mom tips for stress relief when you’re being everything to everyone, it’s important to understand why you continue to push yourself even when you know you’re running on empty.
There’s actually a reason why moms feel like they have to be everything to everyone. It’s not just you, and it’s not because you’re failing as a mom — it’s because of the way your brain is wired and the limiting beliefs you’ve been taught.
From the start, moms are biologically and psychologically wired to protect, nurture, and respond. The brain releases oxytocin when caring for children, which reinforces the idea that “I am needed to keep everyone safe and well.”
Now, in prehistoric times, keeping everyone safe and well meant doing everything you could to do to keep your child alive. But today, that meaning has morphed into something completely different, thinking you have to do everything, period.
Socially, moms are swimming in expectations. From the moment you become a mom, the world tells you you should be the one carrying the load — the schedules, the meals, the emotions, the mental checklist, plus the added stress of working outside the home or inside the home, all on top of caregiving. And let’s be real — social media doesn’t help. You see moms making it look effortless and suddenly you’re thinking, *‘why can’t I do it all like her?’*
And then there’s the limiting belief that: *‘If I’m not giving everything, am I really a good mom?’* Or that little whisper of perfectionism — *‘If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.’*
All of these factors chip away at your confidence and joy in motherhood, draining you and leaving you burned out, empty, and exhausted.
A few years back, I was drowning in it all. With 4 kids at the time, and trying to be a good mom who shows up for everything, is involved in everything, and does everything around the home, I was burned out and miserable. I felt like I’d forgotten how to be happy, I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted in life anymore. I wondered what was wrong with me and how I could find joy again.
So I took it to prayer and here’s what I realized: The reason trying to be everything for everyone causes you to lose yourself, is because you’re not trying to be you, you’re trying to be God.
You were never meant to do it all. That’s God’s role, not yours. And taking on that responsibility is detrimental to your health, your joy, and to the connection you feel with your family.
Elisabeth Elliot once said:
“God is no man’s debtor. He will not let you be burdened beyond what you can carry—except when you carry burdens you were never meant to carry.”
Mama, you were never meant to carry it all. That’s God’s work—not yours. You don’t have to do it all. In fact, you weren’t meant to.
So how do you stop doing everything for everyone without dropping the ball or failing as a mom?
Here are three practical strategies for moms to reclaim their peace in the midst of doing it all.
Strategy number one is to realign your priorities.
There are three things that something needs to pass before you say yes and add it to your list of obligations.
The first test is God.
Ask God whether this is in alignment with where you're at right now. Seek His wisdom. That means taking a moment to stop and pray, asking God, “God, is this something that I should do? I want to do it or I don't want to do it.” Or “I am going to do this, unless you show me clearly that I am not meant to do it.”
Ask him, and then you have to listen to what he says. He will guide you. He will give you information and insight and intuition on whether this is something you should say yes to or not.
The second test is, is this right for your family or for your child?
Sometimes we see everybody else doing something, and we think automatically that means that your child or your family should be doing it too. But the truth is, there's no universal right or wrong. What's right for one family might not be right for your family, and what's right for your family might not be what's right for others.
So it's important that you assess just your family, without looking at what anybody else is doing. Is this something that adds a value to your family or your child? Or is this something that actually takes away - it's an added burden on without growing your family whatsoever or fulfilling any type of need or desire?
The third test is against yourself. Is this in alignment with me? What I need right now.
Sometimes we're in seasons of life where we can take on more responsibilities. We say yes to things, it's great in the moment, but a year or two down the line, our situation and our life has outgrown it. It no longer fits in.
If it's draining you, if you're dreading it, you need to take a hard look and say, “Should I still be in this right now, or is this taking away from me, where I no longer am being fulfilled by participating in this?”
As you run those things through these three tests, if any of those tests come back with a resounding no - this is not in alignment with what God is saying, or this is not a good fit for my family right now, or I cannot take this on without it taking away from some other part of myself or my life. Say no with confidence.
When you say yes to something that's not in alignment with your priorities, it actually devalues your life, taking away from you when your energy and resources should be going elsewhere.
Now, strategy number two is to fill your cup up so you can fill others.
That begins with starting your day with God.
Friends, let me tell you, on the days where everything goes horribly wrong, I guarantee you, those are the days that I did not start my day with God. I didn't pray, I didn't read the Bible, I didn't listen to the Bible in a Year podcast. I took the day on in my own power.
And that's the biggest mistake you can make, because, remember, we talked about earlier, that you're not meant to do this all on your own. God is meant to carry the burden for you. He says, My yoke is easy, but the only way that you can be yoked to him is if you start your day with him asking him, “God, help me get through this day. Show me where to lean on you. Give me wisdom and discernment on what things need my focus today.”
I guarantee you every day that you pay attention to God and start it with him, is going to be a day that you're blessed.
And the third strategy: you need to build in mental breaks.
Build in white space in your day. Take a moment, go to the bathroom and don't take your phone with you. Just sit in there and allow your brain to rest and reset. That white space is exactly what you need to fill your gas tank back up.
Stop having continuous stimuli going into your brain and draining you all day long. Literally take a moment to intentionally stop yourself and rest, even if it's just for two minutes. And in that time, you can just deep breathe. You can talk to God.
Proverbs 1:23 says:
“Come and listen to my counsel, I’ll share my heart and make you wise.”
Feeling like you have to do everything for everyone is a signal that you are looking to the world for what you should do. Stop trying to figure out how to be a good mom. Instead, turn to the Lord for counsel and he will give you wisdom and clarity on what’s right for you right now.
Here’s a bit of mom encouragement for you, when you listen to God and follow his guidance, you will be blessed.
Listen, a good mom isn’t the one who never stops moving — she’s the one who models Godly wisdom through balance, boundaries, and joy. The American Psychological Association shows that kids thrive when parents are emotionally available, not when they’re constantly over-functioning.
The last few years I have been intentionally focusing on saying no, giving myself freedom not to show up for everything. And when I look at other moms who are more involved, I can start to question whether I’m doing the right thing or if I’m actually failing as a mom. But then I turn my eyes to God and remember that this is not the time for me to say yes.
And what’s so cool is that He reminds me of the fruits I have in my life because I chose not to do everything for everyone. I have margin. I can breathe and enjoy a moment of peace. My kids are more responsible because I’m not doing everything for them. I've noticed that they don’t mind when I occasionally don’t show up for something they’re doing. And I’ve seen other people be raised up and succeed because they had the opportunity to say yes, when I said no.
Not doing everything for everyone blesses so many more people than just you! Do not be selfish and do it all, share the load and watch others rise up, thank them, encourage them, and edify them. Bless them as they are blessing you.
The greatest gift you can give your children is your loving presence. When you find that you’re unable to do that, this is your gas tank telling you it’s empty. Stop pushing yourself to keep doing it all and apply those three strategies you learned today.
Make sure to tune in to our next episode, because we are going to dive in to the exact method of how to stop doing it all without letting the balls drop. That's right, we're going to declutter your list of responsibilities.
Remember, you don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be you—the mom God made you to be.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
