Do you ever feel like if you don’t do it, it just won’t get done right? Or worse—if you don’t do it, you’re failing your kids, your marriage, or even yourself? Do you catch yourself thinking, ‘No one else can handle this the way that I can,’ while secretly resenting that you’re carrying it all?
Mama, you are not alone. Moms everywhere are bearing the burden of making sure everything gets done and gets done properly. It’s exhausting and is a huge contributor to your stress, exhaustion, and mom burnout.
Today we’re gonna to talk about why being the one responsible for making sure everything gets done for everyone is robbing you of the ability to enjoy motherhood and how you can lighten the load without everything falling apart.
Think of it like spring cleaning for your to-do list — only this time, you’re letting go of the mom guilt right alongside the clutter.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
I also wanted to let you know that if you have a specific questions or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to send your question directly to me and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
I remember one night cleaning up after dinner, surrounded by dirty dishes, messy counters, a table with leftovers sitting all around, all while the rest of the family played together outside. I stood there loading up the dishwasher, looking out the window at my kids and husband laughing with each other, and complaining under my breath how I had to do everything and no one cared enough to help.
Eventually my husband walked in and said, ‘Do you want help?’ And do you know what my immediate response was? No thanks, I’ve got it. But the truth? I didn’t ‘have it.’ I was drowning. But in my mind, letting him help meant I wasn’t doing my job as a mom.
And that right there is where so many of us live — in this tension between needing help and believing we can’t ask for it. So let’s unpack where this pressure comes from, why it’s so heavy, and what it’s doing to your health and your joy.
When you try to do everything for everyone, you carry a stress load that your body and mind weren’t designed to carry. This belief causes an unbelievable amount of pressure on moms that slowly crushes you, leaving you feeling inadequate and like you’re failing as a mom.
The American Psychological Association reports that 91% of moms feel like they must juggle too many responsibilities, and those that carry the heaviest load report the highest stress levels of any group.
And guess what that chronic stress causes? Accelerated cellular aging, meaning that the pressure of “doing it all” literally wears you down at a biological level, making your body age faster than normal. In a world of premium skincare and surging plastic surgery to reclaim a youthful look, NO mom wants to age herself faster!
But more than that, this chronic stress causes hormonal imbalances that contribute to mood swings, weight gain, and fatigue. Not to mention your body is subconsciously braced for fight or flight which leads to chronic tension and pain, you can experience this as headaches, jaw clenching, back & neck pain, or digestive issues. Not to mention your ability to fall or stay asleep at night is basically nonexistent.
And here’s the hard truth: the more that you believe you have to be everything to everyone, the more likely you are to lose yourself in the process. You become hyper-focused on meeting everyone else’s needs and leave no space for your own.
The result? Exhaustion. Resentment. And the nagging feeling that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.
Doing everything for everyone might make things run smoother in the short term, but you’re literally burning yourself out from the inside out.
So why do moms feel like you have to do it all — and like any unmet need is your personal failure?
Psychologically, motherhood rewires the brain. Hormones like oxytocin make you hyper-responsive to your children’s needs. That’s a good thing — it helps you nurture and bond. But it can also make you feel like you’re failing if you miss something, even something small.
Socially and culturally, you’ve inherited generations of conditioning. Moms are praised for being self-sacrificial, for giving it all, for never dropping the ball. And when you dare to set boundaries or let others step in, you’re often judged — by society, by family, even by yourself.
The belief underneath it all is this: ‘If your family has any unmet need, that reflects on you. It means you’re not a good mom.’
And frankly, that’s a lie.
But you need to understand what happens when you believe this. You internalize it as mom guilt. You don’t say, ‘That was a busy day, something slipped through the cracks.’ Instead, you say, ‘I’m failing as a mom. I’m not enough.’
Mama, hear me: unmet needs are not proof of your inadequacy, they’re part of being human. And when you take all of that responsibility on yourself, you’re carrying a burden that was never meant for you.
So here’s the bottom line: moms equate doing everything with being enough. And when you can’t do it all, it feels like a reflection of your value as a mom.
But hear me clearly: Your worth is not defined by your to-do list. And your love is not measured by exhaustion.
Author C. Joybell C. said:
"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.”
That’s where we’re at right now. It’s time to let go of doing everything for everyone because the weight is too heavy. And don’t worry, even if it seems impossible to let go, with the right plan, you will succeed.
So let’s get intentional about this because it probably seems impossible to let go of things without everything falling apart.
Proverbs 16:3 tells us:
“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.”
So here’s your plan - we are going to treat your responsibilities the same way you would declutter your home.
Here’s how it works. You take everything on your plate — every responsibility, every invisible task, every errand, every role — and you put it into one of three categories:
Give Away
Throw Away
Put Away
Let’s break each one down, because I want you to see how this actually looks in real mom life.
So Strategy #1 is to Give It Away.
In other words, what can you delegate?
If you were decluttering a closet, this is the donation pile. Things that still need to exist, but you don’t have to be the one managing them.
Just like passing down clothes that no longer fit, you need to give away tasks to other people who can handle them.
Now I know, you might be thinking, ‘No one else can do it right.’ But here’s the truth: no one else will do it exactly like you. And that’s okay. Delegating doesn’t mean lowering your standards, it means releasing control so you can breathe again.
Let's take for example laundry. Your kids may not fold it perfectly, but they can fold it. Your spouse may not cook the way you do, but he can handle dinner once a week. A friend whose kid goes to the same afterschool activity can happily help with carpooling.
Delegating teaches your family responsibility, and it teaches you to let go of the lie that your worth is measured by doing it all.
Research shows that families who share tasks report higher levels of satisfaction and less mom burnout. Listen, delegation isn’t failure. It’s wisdom.
Kids can pack lunches or empty the dishwasher, even if it’s not perfect. Spouses can take ownership of certain routines. Friends or extended family can pitch in when needed.
👉 The belief that “only you can do it” keeps you from delegating. But remember—it doesn’t have to be done your way to still get done, and letting others help strengthens their skills and takes the weight off you.
Strategy #2 is to Throw It Away
In other words, there’s certain responsibilities or things that you’re doing that you can simply stop doing.
This is the trash pile. Responsibilities that you’ve carried out of guilt, comparison, or habit—but they’re not actually serving you or your family anymore.
This one is hard, but so freeing. Some things on your list don’t need to be there at all. Maybe it’s baking homemade cookies for every school event. Maybe it’s scrolling Pinterest for the perfect birthday party theme. Maybe it’s cleaning behind the fridge every week.
Ask yourself: ‘Is this task really essential to my family’s wellbeing, or is it fueled by comparison and perfectionism?’ If it’s the latter, it’s clutter. Throw it away.
Some things just don’t belong in your closet—or your life.
👉 The pressure to “be everything” will push you to overcommit. Throwing away non-essential tasks frees space for peace and presence.
Remember, saying no isn’t selfish. It’s stewardship of your time, energy, and mental health. And your kids need your loving interaction way more than they need your busyness. Sometimes saying no to outside commitments is a way to say yes to yourself and your family.
And strategy #3 is to Put It Away or systemize the things you have to do.
This is like putting your remaining items neatly back in the closet so they don’t take excess space or create more clutter for you.
These are the tasks that do need to get done by you, but they’re draining you because they live in your head on constant repeat. If it needs to be done, give it a home on your calendar or build a routine around it.
Here’s where you create systems. Setup phone reminders for tasks that need done in the future. Use a meal plan rotation. Pick one day a week for grocery shopping.
When you systematize, you stop burning mental energy on remembering and worrying, and you free your brain for more important things — like enjoying your kids.
👉 The stress of carrying everything in your brain makes you feel out of control. Putting tasks into routines or systems frees your mind to rest.
So decide, how can you use routines so you don’t waste mental energy? For example: you know that laundry is always on Thursdays. Meal planning is always on Sundays. Clothes are always set out the night before. And all the appointments you have to be at the next day are scheduled in your calendar to pop up reminders so you don’t have to continually look at the clock.
I love this reminder from Maya Angelou:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
You don’t have to keep living in burnout. You know better now — and you can do better, not by working harder, but by working lighter.
I want to leave you with this: a few years ago, I started decluttering my responsibilities the same way I declutter my home. And at first, I felt guilty. Like, ‘Am I dropping the ball?’ But what I found was the opposite.
When I started giving away tasks, my kids learned independence. When I threw away obligations that didn’t serve us, I found margin in my week to enjoy motherhood again. And when I put away recurring tasks into routines, my brain finally felt clear from mom fog.
And do you know what happened? My home wasn’t falling apart—it was more peaceful. My family didn’t resent me—they appreciated me more. And I rediscovered the freedom to be with them, not just do for them.
So the next time you start to feel the pressure of feeling like you have to do everything for everyone, remember those three strategies we talked about today.
Strategy #1 - Give It Away — delegate the tasks that need done but they don’t have to be done by you.
Strategy #2 - Throw It Away — stop doing the tasks that don’t bless you or your family.
And Strategy #3 - Put It Away — systematize the rest so you can get them done without wasting mental energy on it.
Here’s my challenge to you: as soon as this episode ends, grab a sheet of paper and write down every responsibility that’s weighing on you, and run it through the three categories. Don’t overthink it. Just start. I promise, the freedom you’ll feel will surprise you.
Now make sure to tune in to the next episode where we’re going to go even deeper into how to let go without guilt because saying “no” is one thing but releasing the guilt that comes with it is the real freedom.
You don’t have to be everything for everyone. Your worth isn’t found in being busy. It’s found in your loving presence with your kids.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
