Have you ever gotten to the end of the day and realized… your patience ran out hours ago?
You started the morning with good intentions — “today I’ll stay calm, today I’ll be present with my kids.”
But by bedtime, you’ve yelled, cried, or shut down.
And then, the guilt hits: Why can’t I hold it together for the people I love most?
Mama, if that sounds familiar — this episode is for you.
Today, we’re gonna to talk about how to refuel your tank so you have patience with your kids, even at the end of a long day of doing it all as a mom.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
A couple years ago, I hit my limit.
It was a normal Tuesday — school lunches, emails, laundry, repeat.
Some of the kids were at school, some of them were home with me. By 6:30 p.m., my patience had officially expired. My son was dragging his feet at dinnertime, and I snapped.
Not just a little irritated — I snapped.
And the second the words came out of my mouth, I saw his face drop.
Instant mom guilt. So much for being a good mom. All I could think about was how I was royally messing up. And the lasting memory my kids would have of me was one of anger, not love.
I went to the other room, sat down on my bed, and just thought, How can I give so much all day long and still feel like I’m failing at the most important part — being kind and patient with my kids?
That’s when I realized that no matter how hard moms try to be loving, when they have a moment of weakness with their kids & snap,
It’s not that you’re failing.
It’s that you’re running on empty.
So many moms are trying to pour from an empty cup.
You’re multitasking, managing the mental load of motherhood, meeting everyone’s needs — and then beating yourself up for losing patience when your tank is completely dry.
Here’s the truth:
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Patience, compassion, calm — they all come from a regulated nervous system.
When you’ve spent the day putting out fires — rushing, reacting, people-pleasing — your body is flooded with cortisol. Your brain goes into survival mode. Logic shuts down. Patience disappears.
That’s not because you’re a bad mom.
That’s because you’re a burned-out one.
I have several friends who are teachers and spend all day pouring into their students, reining in their own emotions to lead their class to success. But when these moms get home, they are emotionally and mentally spent, with nothing leftover for their own kids.
I can speak to this myself as a stay at home mom who is managing 5 kids all day long in the summer. There comes a breaking point where you just can’t show up with patience, all that’s left is barking commands.
Constant stimuli from trying to do all the things as a mom causes chronic stress on your body which rewires your brain to stay alert nonstop — meaning even small triggers (like whining or spilled milk) feel like huge threats.
And biologically, when your brain thinks you’re under attack, it’s impossible to stay calm.
Your heart rate rises.
Your prefrontal cortex — the part that’s responsible for reasoning and emotional control — it goes offline.
Your body literally can’t access patience.
So when you lose it, it’s not a character flaw. It’s not that you’re failing as a mom.
It’s your body saying, “I’m overwhelmed.”
And the only way to get your patience back?
You have to refill your tank.
To have more patience with your kids, you must first give yourself permission to rest, regulate, and release the pressure you’re carrying.
When you create even small moments of regulation during your day — like breathing, stretching, or saying “no” to one extra thing — your nervous system shifts from being constantly on into rest-and-digest mode.
This lowers cortisol, increasing oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and resets your emotional baseline.
Translation?
You stop reacting from survival and start responding from love.
Etty Hillesum said:
“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
The secret to doing it all and still having the energy to show up with love and patience for your kids, is to find your inner peace in hidden moments of the day.
As a mom, your tank is continually being depleted so you have to hook yourself up to an unending source of peace and patience that is outside of yourself.
We’re gonna do that by creating Micro-Moments of Calmness.
Most moms believe they need an entire afternoon off or a weekend getaway to calm down - but your body doesn’t actually need hours to start releasing stress. It only needs 60 seconds of stillness.
Take a 60 second “breathing break” between tasks — pause before you switch roles (like work to mom mode).
Here’s what happens: When you pause and take deep, intentional breaths - especially extending your exhale - you activate your vagus nerve, the body’s built-in calm button. This shifts your nervous system out of being “constantly on” and ready to fight-or-fly into rest-and-digest mode.
Within 60 seconds of deep breathing, this micro moment of calmness, your brain begins lowering cortisol (the stress hormone), slowing your heart rate, and signaling to every cell in your body that you are safe.
That sense of safety is what allows your prefrontal cortex - the logical, calm part of your brain - to come back online. Once that happens, you can respond to your kids with reason instead of reaction.
But listen, there are 3 strategies to doing this the right way to ensure that you refuel yourself adequately to have enough left in the tank for your kids.
Strategy #1 is to use deep breathing to refuel yourself for your kids is to be intentional about where your mind is as you breathe.
No amount of deep breathing is going to help you if you’re using that time to complain in your head about how your kids are acting or how frustrating your husband is being. The secret here is to empty your mind from all the chaos of the day and all the stressors going on around you. Instead, focus your mind on God, asking Him to help you.
Strategy #2 for making your 60 second micro moments effective in lowering your stress levels is to use each breath to physically relax your muscles.
Have you ever seen a deer in headlights? They’re posed, ready to run across the road and suddenly the light from your vehicle stops them in their tracks. Instead of fight or flight, they have fallen into Freeze Mode.
And while they have stilled themselves for the moment, every muscle in their body is still taut, tense and evaluating the situation as they decide whether to fight or flight. When you pause for 60 seconds of deep breathing, you can fall into the same trap of freezing. Which means your body is still tense, primed and ready to fight or flight the moment you start moving again.
When you use these deep breaths to intentionally release your muscles, you’re telling your body that it is safe to rest which will immediately begin to calm your stress hormones.
And strategy #3 for making your micro moments of calmness an instant stress reliever, is to end the moment with gratitude.
Practicing gratitude triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin, these are "feel-good" neurotransmitters that regulate mood, boost positive emotions, and combat anxiety and depression. So not only are you reducing your stress but you are shifting your mood in one swift moment.
So let’s put it all together:
We’re going to use 60 seconds to take 5 deep breaths together, focusing your mind on God, relaxing your body, and ending with gratitude.
For breathe #1, as you breathe in, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth, close your lips, rest your back teeth together, and breathe in through your nose, saying in your head, “Jesus help me”. Fill your lungs up entirely.
And as you breathe out slowly through your mouth, squeezing all the air in your lungs out, say in your head, “Relax.” And focus your mind on actually relaxing your shoulders. Let them drop down.
Repeat your breath in through your nose with your lips closed, tongue on the roof of your mouth, breathing in slowly, saying in your head, “Jesus help me.”
As you breathe out through your mouth, begin squeezing the air out of your lungs, saying in your head again, “Relax”. This time focus your mind on relaxing your stomach. So many times, we can have our stomach tensed up in knots being worried about situations. But right now we’re relaxing those muscles.
Repeat this breath a third time, breathing in slowly and fully, expanding your diaphragm 360 degrees around your body, asking on the breath in, “Jesus help me”, and this time as you breathe out, saying “Relax”, focus on relaxing your neck. Letting all of those muscles, just drain the tension out of them.
On the fourth breath in, repeat “Jesus help me”. And breathe out through your mouth, this time focusing on relaxing your jaw.
Now on your fifth and final breath in, ask “Jesus help me”. And this time as you breathe out, say in your mind, “Thank you, God.”
These three strategies in your 60 seconds of calmness activates your vagus nerve, signaling safety to your body and calming your stress hormones. You're bringing more oxygen into your brain and helping it move from survival mode into your logical, prefrontal cortex so you’re ready to parent with patience, calmness, and joy.
✨ Remember: Calmness is contagious. When you regulate your stress, anxiety, and emotions, your kids will mirror your calmness. And as we learned about in episode 4, the strongest emotion always wins. And partnering with God to fill yourself with peace and calmness, is a power source of strength you can tap into.
A.B. Simpson said,
“When you cannot rejoice in feelings, circumstances or conditions, rejoice in the Lord.”
The days that I feel the most at peace and like I’m finally not messing up as a mom, are the days that I seek God for peace. Taking deep breaths when I get overwhelmed or irritated.
As a mom of 5 I rarely have a moment of quiet so I have to be intentional about finding 60 seconds and not wasting them on scrolling on my phone or ranting in my head about my frustrations.
When I am intentional enough to use those 60 seconds to reset myself mentally, I can walk back in the room no matter how chaotic the day has been, and I can find a reason to smile.
One day this past summer, I had spent the day trying to catch up on housework while the kids were playing. All I could see was the mess they were making and the constant demands they were asking (can you cut me an apple? He broke my creation. Can we go to a park?) I had had it, but before I blew up, I closed my eyes, took those 5 deep breaths, connecting myself to God, relaxing my body, and thanking Him for his help.
And wouldn’t you know it, when I opened my eyes, I was filled with peace and ready to focus on what actually mattered to me in the moment. My kids. I smiled at them, sat down, and answered them with love and patience.
That moment reminded me — patience doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from connection. Connection to God and connection to my kids.
So the next time you find yourself tapped out and on empty when you’re around your kids, remember to give yourself a 60 second micro moment of calmness using those three strategies we talked about today.
Strategy #1 - Calm the chaos in your mind and focus on God, asking Him for help.
Strategy #2 - Intentionally relax your body, one muscle group at a time.
And Strategy #3 - End it with gratitude, thanking God for helping you or thanking him for the kids He’s given you.
2 Thessalonians 3:16 says
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in all ways. The Lord be with all of you.
Mama, remember, God will give you peace at ALL times in your life, you simply have to take the time to ask Him.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
