If you’ve ever found yourself scrubbing dishes, prepping meals, switching laundry, answering a text, wiping a counter and thinking I should be spending time with my kids right now and then, the second you stop and sit down with your kids, your brain whispers, “You should really be getting things done”.
Welcome to the Christmas break version of mom guilt, where you feel guilty no matter which choice you make.
You're torn between wanting to make magical Christmas memories with your kids… and needing to get all the things done?
Like, part of you just wants to sit down and watch the Christmas movie with them, but your brain keeps shouting, “You still need to wrap gifts, clean the kitchen, and plan Christmas dinner!”
And then, when you choose to work through your list, you feel guilty for not being fully present.
Yeah… that’s mom guilt in its most festive form.
Today we’re tackling the emotional tug-of-war moms feel during Christmas break—the one between doing and being.
Because let’s be honest—trying to keep up with life during the holidays feels like juggling ornaments while someone keeps throwing more at you.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Today, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
Let me tell you about a Christmas break morning in my house a few years ago.
I woke up with the best intentions. “Today I will relax. I will play with the kids. I will be the fun mom. I will soak it all in.”
Cue the Christmas break reality.
Someone spilled cereal. Someone else couldn't find the charger they swore they left right there. The dishwasher wasn't run the night before, so the sink was a dish graveyard. A package arrives with something I forgot I ordered and it wasn't wrapped. And yes, laundry. Always laundry.
By 9:15 I had said the phrase, “Hang on. I just need to finish this real quick,” at least 47 times. Meanwhile, the kids kept asking me to play, and every time I said, “just a minute”, the guilt punched harder.
Then no joke, when I finally said, “Okay, I'm ready,” and sat down to play Legos, I couldn't focus. Because now my brain was shouting, “Why are you sitting? The laundry is overflowing. The bathrooms are nasty. You are falling behind.”
It hit me like a truth bomb. I was never actually off. I was never actually on. I was living in the “in between”. And the “in between” is where the guilt lives.
So let's talk about why moms feel this guilt so intensely, especially during Christmas break.
Here's the core issue – moms feel like they have to choose, choose productivity or choose presence.
And Christmas break makes this even harder because the routine is off. The house fills up faster. Kids want more attention. You're the emotional anchor for the whole family, and you still have to do everything you always do.
It feels like there's no right choice.
If you choose tasks, you feel like a bad mom.
If you choose time with your kids, you feel irresponsible or behind.
This mental tug of war activates what I call the guilt loop.
You start doing chores. You feel guilty you're not with your kids. You try to be with your kids. You feel guilty you're not doing chores. And you end up doing both halfway. And that leaves you feeling guilty and exhausted.
This constant cognitive switching burns a massive amount of energy— mentally, emotionally and physically.
So let's break down why this matters, not just emotionally, but biologically.
I have some bad news for you.
Your brain hates split mode.
Research and neuropsychology shows that the brain burns up to 40% more energy when constantly switching between tasks.
This is why moms feel so wiped. Because you're multitasking emotional responsibility and physical responsibility at the exact same time.
And while you think that you are the multitasking queen, what you're actually doing is draining yourself mentally and physically faster than you could have imagined. And that leaves you burdened with mom guilt.
And unfortunately, mom guilt isn't just a feeling, it's a biochemical reaction. Cortisol rises when you feel inadequate, torn, rushed behind, like you're disappointing someone.
And can I just say, as a mom, you are constantly feeling those things. Which means you are constantly under stress.
Too much cortisol leads to fatigue, short fuse, muscle tension, digestive issues and irritability.
Listen, Mama, you're not moody. The problem is that your hormones are doing the best with a load that's too heavy, and eventually you crash.
And remember, when we talked about how moms feel torn between being present with their kids and the responsibilities that they have to get done each day? Well, feeling torn creates emotional disconnection.
Kids feel it when you're half there. Not because they're judging you, but because children are wired to monitor their mom's presence for safety.
So when you're physically there but mentally scattered, your kids feel uncertain. And uncertainty leads to clinginess, whining, meltdowns, which then makes you even more stressed.
And your nervous system can't restore itself when it is so burned out. But presence restores you. Pressure drains you when you can't access presence, being present with your kids in the moment, your nervous system stays locked into go mode— even when you sit down.
So how do you break out of this? How do you get things done and enjoy your kids without guilt eating you alive? Because the reality is, there are things that you have to do.
You can't shirk on your duties as a mom, but you also can't continue living in this burned out phase.
There's a quote that says balance isn't about doing everything. It's about doing the right things at the right time.
Here’s the truth—you don’t have to choose between keeping up with life and being present with your kids. You can do both—with intention, balance, and grace.
Here are three strategies that will help you be productive and present this Christmas season.
Strategy 1 is to Create Micro-Moments of Being Present
Remember, your brain hates split mode. When you're trying to do things halfway– halfway being present while halfway being productive, it just doesn't work.
But when you create micro moments of being fully present with your kids, it's an easy shift.
Instead of measuring success by how much you accomplish, measure it by how often you’re able to connect with your kids while getting things done.
Not everything needs to be done alone. Pick three to five chores that your kids can help with without it turning into a disaster— sorting laundry, wrapping presents together.
Here's a secret, your kids don't need all of you all the time.
Your kids want your presence more than the activity. And so doing things with you counts as quality time for them. And you're getting things done while connecting, which is win, win.
So if you’re cooking and they want to talk, pause for a minute, make eye contact with them, smile, and respond fully.
This “micro-presence” tells their brain: Mom’s here, and I matter.
And guess what? That one moment often fills up their cup more than an hour of distracted time together.
Even folding laundry while chatting with your kids about their favorite Christmas movie is still being present, as long as you are focusing on them and not distracted.
You're not doing this halfway. You're able to be productive and fully invested in your kids. You show that with your eye contact with your nonverbal skills of engaging with them.
And listen, it’s not about perfection—it’s about connection in the middle of real life.
When you shift that definition, you release guilt and start seeing ordinary moments as meaningful ones.
Strategy 2 is to Carve Out ‘Connection Windows’ in Your Day
Instead of trying to be present all day (which isn’t realistic), plan 2–3 intentional “connection windows.”
Maybe it’s a 15-minute cocoa break after lunch or an hour in the evening to play a board game.
When you schedule connection, it stops feeling like an interruption—and starts feeling like part of your plan.
Research shows that even short bursts of undivided attention creates stronger emotional bonds and lowers stress for both parent and child.
What I’ve found is that if I make of point of doing this early in the day, by the time afternoon rolls around, my kids' buckets are filled and they’re ready to play on their own. Meaning I can have some undisturbed time to get things done, guilt free.
As you build in these connection windows, this is your anchor for guilt relief.
Just pick one intentional moment each day: a hot cocoa date, a Christmas movie snuggle, baking cookies, driving to look at lights, or reading a book together. Just pick one.
And it works, because kids remember the moments, not the minutes.
Research shows that peak moments are what kids emotionally store, not continuous time.
You don't need all day. You just need a moment that is intentional and feels meaningful.
And Strategy #3 is to Front Load Your To-Do List
You can’t eliminate the to-dos—but you can make them work for you.
When you have a plan to knock out a couple items first thing in the morning, you open up the rest of the day to focus on connection.
Clean the the bathrooms right when you get up. Start a load of laundry before breakfast. And run the vacuum while the kids are eating.
Speeding through your to-do list first thing in the morning helps you reduce “mental switching” the rest of the day, which lowers stress and increases efficiency.
And it lights up the reward center of your brain so you feel on top of the world before your day has even begun!
When you have a plan of what to do & execute it immediately when the day begins, this means less time feeling behind, and more time free to actually enjoy your kids.
And one of the best parts about this strategy is that your brain stops panicking about the endless list of to do's and focuses on what you've already achieved for the day.
When your expectations match your reality, stress drops dramatically.
St. Thérèse of Lisieux said,
“Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.”
That’s where the real magic of motherhood—and the holidays—live.
In the past, when I would clean up after supper, I would put in my ear buds and zone out while listening to a podcast to recharge my battery at the end of the day while still getting something done.
And when my kids would come up and interrupt me to ask questions, show me a picture, or tell me a story, I was only half listening to them— still had my ear bud going, distracted with what I was trying to do, and not paying any attention to them.
And you could see it in their eyes. They felt that disconnection. And although it broke my heart, I just didn't have it in me to stop.
But eventually I made a change. And when my kids would come up to talk to me, I would pause the episode, take out the ear buds and make eye contact with them. I smiled at them.
I responded and kept the conversation going as I picked back up on the cleaning, I made a point of making eye contact with him while I worked, and we ended up having a great moment of connection.
I felt accomplished by cleaning and felt present by prioritizing connection with my kid.
And you know what? It may have taken me a bit longer to finish, but my heart was full.
And that’s the kind of peace that no checklist can give you.
So as you go into Christmas feeling the tug of war between being productive and being present, use these three strategies to make both possible:
Strategy #1: Create micro-moments of being present.
Strategy #2: Carve out connection windows in your day.
And Strategy #3: Front load your to-do list.
As we close out this episode, here's your challenge:
Tonight, choose one “connection window” for tomorrow—and protect it. No phone, no chores, just presence.
Luke 10:41-42 says
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken from her.”
Listen, the big difference between Mary and Martha was that one was anxious and worried about getting things done, while the other one was focused solely on connection.
But the truth is, you need to find a happy medium in between the two.
Mama, you know what needs done, and by front loading your tasks, you have a plan.
Commit that plan to God, focus on him and let the worries of how to accomplish them rest in him.
When you do this, he will bring you peace in your heart, speed in your tasks, and joy in your presence with your kids.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
