The new year is upon us and while everyone is excitedly writing down their goals and new years resolutions, moms are sitting around wondering, “How am I supposed to add goals when I can barely keep up now?”
You may even be asking yourself “How do I make changes without burning out or failing again?”
This is a real struggle for moms because when you’re already operating at maximum capacity, barely keeping up with life. The thought of adding a new year’s resolution can feel like you’re setting yourself up for failure before you even start.
And who needs that stress? Certainly not you!
But guess what, there is a way to make changes in your life that actually reduce stress, rather than amplify it.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
A few years ago, I made this big New Year’s resolution based on all the things I knew I was supposed to do as a good mom.
I was gonna wake up at 4:30 so that before my kids even opened their eyes, I could have prayer meditation, journal, read the Bible, work out, and make a green smoothie.
I told myself, “If I can just win the morning, I’ll win the day.”
And for about three days…I did it. I felt disciplined. I felt focused. I felt like a new woman. I was rocking my new year’s resolution like everyone on social media hypes up about come January 1st.
But by day four, I was snapping at my kids. And by week two, I was drinking extra energy drinks just to function. And by the end of the month…I had quit completely.
And you know what hurt the most? It wasn’t quitting. It was the voice in my head that said:
“Here you go again.”
“Why do you always fail?”
“Why can’t you just stick with anything?”
I felt embarrassed. I felt frustrated. I felt like I had failed as a mom, as a woman, and as a Christian.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize that I didn’t fail my goal.
The goal failed me…because it wasn’t built for the season I was actually living in. It was built for some imaginary version of me that had more sleep, more energy, less stress, and fewer responsibilities.
And almost every mom does this.
You build goals for the woman you wish you were. Not the woman who’s actually tired, carrying mental load, managing emotions, and taking care of people all day long.
The problem isn’t that you set the wrong goal, it’s that the way you go about achieving it is too big for the season of life you’re actually in.
Moms get fed this message that your new year's resolution is the time when you should instantly behave like the perfect version of yourself. But unfortunately that just isn’t sustainable.
In fact, it’s a lie that your subconscious is constantly poking holes in until you revert back to your old self - old habits, old attitudes, and old behaviors.
But worse off than before because now on top of your normal daily mom stress, you’ve just added a huge heaping dose of mom guilt and self condemnation for failing your goals to be a better mom. That mental battle with mom guilt and self condemnation ramps up your chronic stress ten fold.
Every year, so many moms enter January hopeful. And by February? Defeated.
And here’s what you’re told:
“You just didn’t try hard enough.”
“You need more discipline.”
“You should want this bad enough.”
But that’s not the truth.
The truth is: Your brain was never designed for sudden massive change. Your brain’s primary job is safety. Not success. Not achievement. Not growth.
When you tell your brain in January: “I’m changing everything,”
Your brain hears: “Something is wrong.” “This is dangerous.” “We are not okay.”
So what does that do to your body?
It activates stress mode. Your cortisol rises. Your nervous system tightens. You feel on edge for no reason. You get overwhelmed more easily. Your energy crashes faster. Your patience shortens. Your emotions feel heavier.
This is why you start a resolution excited…but feel drained, discouraged, and behind so quickly.
And here’s the part moms don’t talk about:
When a goal fails, your brain doesn’t think:“That plan didn’t fit my life.”
It thinks: “I failed.”
And emotionally when moms fail…It goes straight to identity.
“I can’t get it right.”
“I’m always behind.”
“I’ll never change.”
“I wasn’t built for consistency.”
But that isn’t truth. That is nervous-system exhaustion.
As a mom, you already live in constant output mode.
Moms don’t need more unrealistic expectations and demands put on you. When you make a new year’s resolution based on being a new version of yourself instantly on January 1st, you’re actually creating a demand on yourself that drains your energy, physically and mentally.
Big resolutions increase decision fatigue, they drain emotional reserves, they reduce patience, increase self-criticism, and trigger guilt. Isn’t that the exact opposite of what you really want out of life?
Now I’m not advocating that you ditch new year resolutions altogether! I personally love new year resolutions, now that I have a healthier strategy for setting them.
The first step to that is understanding that big goals = big stress. Big goals take your brain away from everything it knows will keep you safe and alive.
Waking up at 4:30 instead of 7:30? That’s a pretty big change for your subconscious. Going from never working out to working out an hour every day? That’s a pretty big change from the auto-pilot habits your brain is used to. Never yelling at your kids, your brain can’t even comprehend how that tactic is going to keep you or your children alive.
And so your brain is going to work its hardest to break that resolution so you will go back to your tried and true habits that have worked to keep you and your kids alive.
Your brain couldn’t care less whether you’re living the life you want - happy mom, happy kids, clean home, fit and healthy. All it cares about is keeping you and your kids alive.
Any change in the status quo (like creating a new year’s resolution) makes your brain feel like your life is in jeopardy, putting your body into chronic stress mode because it’s preparing itself to fight for your life.
But the good news is, once you understand this concept, you can create goals that work WITH your brain, instead of against it! You want your new year resolutions to reduce your stress, not amplify it.
And to do that, you are going to learn that the massive results DON’T come from massive changes.
In the book, The Compound Effect, by Darren Hardy he explains that:
Small, smart choices + consistency + time = radical difference.
This concept explains why tiny habits work when big resolutions don’t.
Think about it, a big change that you can only sustain for a month means that by the end of the year, you had zero improvement. But when you make a teenie tiny change January first and keep up with that habit consistently all year long - you’re going to end the year with a big change!
You will have actually accomplished what you envisioned with your new year’s resolutions!
Think about it like this - if your new year’s resolution was to lose 20 lbs and you started January 1st with working out an hour a day, when you were used to never working out? Consider the stress you just added on to your life as a mom!
You have to find time to fit an hour of working out into your already overpacked schedule. You likely have to wake up earlier when you’re already sleep deprived. You put your household chores on hold while you leave the house for an hour to workout. Push your body to the max when it’s not used to working out, meaning you're suddenly sore, maybe tweaked your back, and now you're super hungry grabbing a quick unhealthy snack to get you by since you didn’t have time to eat breakfast.
Do you see how this big goal created a massive change in your life that increases pressure and mom stress instantaneously? It’s no wonder moms can’t stick with their new year resolutions!
But now think about Darren Hardy’s concept of small, smart choices done consistently for a long period of time.
Using this same example of wanting to lose 20 lbs - what if you started off January 1st with making one tiny change in your daily habits. You work out for 1 minute at home, every day. Do you think you could do that?
It’s so easy it’s laughable! But here’s where the magic happens - for every week of the year, you add on one more minute of working out.
So for the first week, you set your timer and work out for 1 minute, every single day. And then in week 2, you add a minute, working out for 2 minutes every day. Week 3 adds another minute for 3 minutes of working out every day. And so on.
If you did that, by mid-July you’d be working out 30 minutes a day. Do you think you might have lost some weight by then? Gotten a little more fit and toned for swimsuit season?
Keep on this track and by the end of the year, you’ll be working out 52 minutes a day. And it’ll be sustainable because you worked up to this throughout the course of a year. Each week you compounded your effort in a tiny, one additional minute. You found the little ways you needed to tweak your routines to fit in that extra minute and your brain didn’t even realize you were transforming into a new person, the mom you wanted to be.
Here’s how it works:
Small, smart, tiny choices are the tiny habits that are so small they don’t overwhelm your brain or drain your energy. In fact, you want your new habits to be so tiny that your brain doesn’t even realize you're making a change.
This leads to consistency in your new habit. Consistency is what matters most. Not intensity. Not perfection. Just showing up again and again, even on messy days.
Because over time, continually showing up means that you’re sustaining the change over the long haul.
Keep in mind, results don’t show up overnight when you make a tiny change—and this is where moms can often get discouraged. But remember, your efforts compound.
What feels insignificant today becomes transformational months later, resulting in a radical difference. Not through burnout or drastic change—but through gentle, faithful effort that builds confidence instead of stress.
Big goals demand immediate transformation, which spikes stress and triggers failure.
Small habits feel safe to your brain, which:
* lowers cortisol, the stress hormone
* builds self-trust
* creates momentum instead of pressure
Over time, those tiny habits quietly reshape your health, patience, energy, and confidence—without asking you to become a completely different person all at once. Instead you grow into the person you want to be.
In other words: You don’t need to do more. You need to do less—but consistently.
That’s the heart of The Compound Effect—and the reason tiny habits are such a powerful antidote to mom stress.
Zechariah 4:10
says: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”
When it comes to God, small beginnings are a way to put your trust in Him to see the big results you desire.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that big results require big changes. That if you’re not pushing yourself, you’re not growing. Or if it’s not hard, it must not be working.
Those thoughts are based on doing the work yourself, rather than partnering with God.
That’s how tiny habits create long-term success.
They don’t rely on willpower. They don’t require perfect conditions. They don’t demand more energy than you have. They work with your brain and nervous system instead of against it.
And over time, those tiny habits do something powerful: They rewire your identity. You stop being a mom who says, “I can’t stick with anything,” And you become a mom who knows, “I do what I say I’ll do — even in small ways.”
And from that place?
Bigger change just grows naturally. Without force. Without burnout. Without shame. That’s why tiny habits don’t just change what you do. They change how you feel in your body. They change how you talk to yourself. And they change how you show up as a mom.
And that’s why they don’t just reduce stress…They finally make growth feel peaceful again.
So how do you do it? How do you create tiny habits that help you achieve the massive results you’re looking for this new year’s.
Here is a 5-step strategy:
First, let yourself say the big goal out loud — without guilt or judgment.
Listen, big goals are not the problem. They show desire. They show hope.
The problem comes when you try to jump straight from where you are… to the end result.
That leap creates stress because your brain immediately asks:
“How am I supposed to do all of that?”
So instead of jumping, build a bridge.
That’s step 2. Identify the Daily Action That Supports the Goal
This step shifts the focus from outcome to behavior — which is crucial.
Outcomes feel overwhelming.
Behaviors feel doable.
But you can’t skip step three because step three is where we Shrink that Action down Until It Feels Almost Too Easy
It’s the most important step — and the one most people skip, moms especially.
Take that daily action and shrink it until it takes less than 60 seconds for you to accomplish. Until it requires almost no motivation. And until you could do it even on your hardest day.
This works because your brain does not resist small action. It resists pressure.
Tiny habits don’t trigger stress because they don’t threaten your energy, your schedule, or your sense of safety.
And when stress goes down, follow-through goes up.
And to really harness that follow through, we’re going to take Step 4 and Attach that Tiny Habit to Something You Already Do
And a bonus tip for you is if you anchor this new habit with something you really desire– like you cannot have a cup of coffee until you’ve completed your daily workout– I guarantee you’re going to get that workout done because you want that coffee, so bad.
And finally, in Step 5, Let Consistency Build Confidence
Here’s what makes tiny habits sustainable:
You’re not asking, “Did I do enough?”
You’re asking, “Did I show up?”
Every time you complete that tiny habit:
* your brain releases dopamine
* your confidence grows
* your stress decreases
* your identity shifts
So make a checklist, because what mom doesn’t love a good checklist?! And mark off each day you accomplish your tiny habit.
You know how addicting it is to check something off your list. Satisfy that craving and enjoy the dopamine hit!
Over time, you’ll stop seeing yourself as a mom who “can’t stick to anything.”
And instead, you’ll have concrete evidence that you are a mom who keeps showing up — even in small ways.
And over time, something powerful happens.
The habit grows naturally — not because you forced it, but because it feels normal.
That’s how tiny habits turn into lasting change without burnout.
In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear says::
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
It’s the small changes you do consistently each and every day that pave your path to success.
The year that my husband’s cholesterol test came back high, he didn’t respond by making a massive change in his diet and lifestyle. He simply reduced his butter and cheese intake and replaced his nighttime bowl of ice cream with a bowl of unsweetened applesauce.
That’s it. Two habits that seemed so insignificant that we wondered if it would make a difference. But here’s the key, he stuck with it, every day. And that consistency over time led to a dramatic drop in his cholesterol levels.
Big goals don’t need big effort right away.
They need small actions repeated gently over time.
When you break a big goal into a tiny habit stress goes down and confidence goes up, and and success becomes sustainable.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
