Do you ever feel like your life is the reality version of the movie Groundhog Day?
Every day is the same: wake up, get the kids dressed, make breakfast, send them on their way to play. You throw in a load of laundry and stop to make a snack. Tackle the next cleaning project until it’s time to make lunch. Next thing you know it’s time to take your kids to practice and run errands.
You get home in time to make dinner, clean up the kitchen yet again, and find that another toy mess has ensued while you were busy working away. By the time the day ends, you feel exhausted, unfulfilled, and frustrated.
Then you see on your scroll that everyone is talking about their dreams for the new year and all the resolutions they’re committing to. While you find yourself wondering, “What do I even want?”
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Together, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
I remember a time in my life where I was asked to write down 10 dreams or goals I had for my life. In my college years, I’d had a list a mile long. But as a mom, I couldn’t come up with a single one - other than a clean house, happy kids, and maybe someone to make a meal once in a while.
I honestly couldn’t even remember what I enjoyed doing as a hobby. It was like I had lost myself in motherhood. I loved my kids, more than anything, but I missed myself, having dreams, desires, and knowing what brought me joy outside of being a mom.
This is a problem that happens to so many moms and is especially evident when the new year rolls around and you’re left either feeling helpless or making your resolutions centered around doing all the things you should be doing to live up to your expectations as a mom.
You know, like decluttering the house, making home cooked meals, spending more time undistracted with your kids. And while those are all good things, they only hit one aspect of who you are as a human being.
It can feel hard to resurrect those old sides of who you are outside of being a mom. Sometimes it’s hard to see past the next hour in motherhood, especially when the demands of motherhood are leaving you too stressed to dream.
Losing yourself in motherhood and quietly giving up on your goals and dreams doesn’t happen because you no longer have the desire or motivation to dream. Instead, there is a specific reason this happens to moms.
It’s crazy, before kids, you had so many dreams and then when the ultimate dream happened and you had a baby, suddenly everything shifted. Instead of thinking about yourself, your future, and all the things you desire, you become hyper focused on your child, your child’s future, and all the things your child desires.
And this doesn’t lessen as your children get older. You still worry about them, their future, their dreams and desires, and you part to play in all of it.
But it’s important for moms to have dreams and desires not because you need more to do, but because dreaming is a sign of life, health, and wholeness. As a mom, when you lose touch with your dreams, it quietly affects your energy, emotional health, and the way you show up for your family.
Dreams keep you emotionally alive, not just functioning.
When you stop dreaming, life becomes maintenance:
* keeping the house running
* meeting everyone’s needs
* surviving the day
You may be responsible and capable—but emotionally flat.
Dreams give your nervous system something to move toward, not just to react to. They create hope, anticipation, and meaning.
Without dreams you’re often stuck in survival mode.
Dreams also restore energy instead of draining it.
Many moms believe dreaming will add pressure. But in reality, dreaming replenishes energy.
When you have something you’re looking forward to:
* dopamine increases which creates motivation and focus;
* cortisol decreases, reducing the amount of stress you feel; and
* emotional resilience improves
Even small desires—like learning something new or carving out creative time—signals to the brain:
“There is more than just getting through today.”
That mental shift alone reduces mom burnout.
Dreams protect against resentment.
When a mom continually pours out without pouring into herself, resentment quietly builds towards life itself.
Dreams give you permission to be a whole person. It gives you an outlet for growth and expression. And is a reminder that your identity isn’t limited to what you give.
This protects you from emotional exhaustion and the feeling of being invisible in your own life.
Sometimes you’re left feeling totally incapacitated when it comes to dreaming. But you know as well as I do that if it was for your kids, you’d do it no matter what. So if you can’t muster up the resolve to do it for yourself, do it for your kids because when you have dreams, you’re modeling emotional health to your kids.
Kids don’t just learn from what you say—they learn from what you do.
When children see a mom who:
* has interests;
* pursues growth;
* talks about hopes and goals; and
* values her inner world
They learn that it’s okay to want things;
* That adulthood isn’t the end of joy; and
* And that caring for others doesn’t require self-erasure
When you’re a mom with dreams, you teach your children how to live fully.
Dreams also strengthen your faith and trust in God.
From a faith perspective, desires aren’t distractions—they’re often invitations.
God uses desires to:
* draw you closer to Him;
* to reveal how He designed you;
* to teach you to trust His timing over yours; and
* to invite you into partnership with Him, to do the things you can’t do on your own
When you stop dreaming, you stop asking God for anything beyond the strength to survive.
Dreams reopen conversation with God that sounds like:
“What do You have for me in this season?”
They help you begin to remember what God can do in your life, even in the middle of motherhood. He has so much more planned for you than just getting by. But He can’t do the work on his own. Even Jesus couldn’t do any miracles when people didn’t partner with Him in faith. Having dreams and desires is your way to partner with God, show Him what you want, even when it seems impossible.
And finally, dreams help you reclaim your identity beyond your role of mom.
Motherhood is a role—an important one—but it was never meant to replace your entire identity.
Dreams reconnect you to who you are, how you’re uniquely wired, and what brings you joy.
This self-connection improves patience, emotional regulation, and presence with your kids because you’re no longer disappearing into responsibility.
So how do you do it? How do you begin to dream again?
Desmond Tutu said:
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.
Curiosity is one of the most powerful—and overlooked—tools for helping moms begin dreaming again, because it works with the nervous system instead of against it.
Dreaming feels dangerous in that state because it raises hope—and hope has felt disappointing before.
Curiosity moves your brain into a place of openness rather than shutting down in self-protection. Curiosity removes pressure and outcome.
Neurologically, curiosity activates the brain’s seeking system using dopamine without activating the threat system, so you are deactivating stress with your curiosity.
And this tells the nervous system:
“We’re exploring, not committing.”
That sense of safety is what allows imagination and desire to slowly return.
Your feelings of powerlessness dissolve as your curiosity creates a feeling of self-leadership.
Start by getting curious about your past.
Start asking yourself questions like: What things did you enjoy doing as a kid? Did you enjoy reading? Drawing? Playing basketball? Being in social groups? Traveling?
These questions leave clues about what you could enjoy even now in motherhood.
Next, get curious about your present.
As a mom, I know you have dreams and desires for your kids. That’s a big part of why you forgot how to have dreams for yourself, because you’re hyper-focused on your kids.
So turn this kryptonite into your superpower by using it to shine a light on your own dreams and desires.
What do you want for your kids? What do you hope for or are committed to getting for your kids? And how can you apply this to your own life?
Think about it - do you want your kids to have nice clothes? Take a look at your own closet. Are you wearing the same clothes you’ve had for 10 years? Maybe a new wardrobe can be on your list of dreams.
Do you want them to be healthy and active? Maybe getting fit can be on your list of desires.
Do you want your kids to have a beautiful smile while you’re embarrassed about your own teeth? Maybe getting invisalign or teeth whiteners can be on your list of future goals.
Remember, having dreams and desires doesn’t mean you have to achieve this instantly, it means you have something to look forward to and work towards little by little.
And finally, get curious about your future.
When you’ve lost yourself in motherhood and don’t remember how to have dreams for yourself, this can be the hardest place to find curiosity because you feel so lost.
Start by taking an inventory of the different aspects of your life and whether there's room for improvement beyond your current circumstances.
When you think about the home you’re in, is there any part of it you’d like to be different? Maybe your deck is decrepit and needs rebuilt. Maybe your washing machine is two sizes too small for your family. Maybe you’d like to have a bigger yard for your kids.
When you think about your finances, is there anything you’d like to be different? Maybe you’d like to be debt free or have a bigger savings account. Maybe you’d like to quit work to be a stay at home mom or want extra income on the side to have more money to do extra activities with your kids.
Continue this curiosity when thinking about your health, your vehicles, what you do in your spare time, where you’d like to travel, or activities you’d like to do.
Make a list, a brain dump of all the things you can think of without regard to how possible they feel. You’re exercising your brain, building its capacity to dream again.
When you become curious about yourself instead of critical, your inner world becomes safer to explore—and dreams don’t need to hide.
Now you know I can’t just remind you how to dream again and leave it at that. What we’re really talking about today is to defeat learned helplessness. And the last step to do that is to take a look at your dream list and pick one tiny desire to act on consistently. Use this to create your new year resolutions:
* If you used to enjoy reading as a kid, commit to reading a few pages of a book now
* If you want a new wardrobe, commit to buying a new pair of pants that fit just right
* If you want a new washing machine, start researching the one you want and commit to saving $10 a week for it
Then notice:
* How does your body feel?
* How does your patience shift?
* How has your mood changed?
Each time you honor a desire, your brain realizes:
“When I listen to myself, life improves. And restores:
* confidence
* emotional energy
* self-trust
Dreaming becomes safer because the new experiences you're going through right now confirm that your desires aren’t selfish—they’re sustaining.
Philippians 1:6
“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”
Moms are used to being the ones in control, orchestrating how the day will go. When you can’t see how to make a dream or desire come true, you can fall into the mistake of letting go of your dreams. But instead, this is the opportunity to put your dreams in God’s hands and trust his timing.
He began that good work in you, he gave you the dream, which means he WILL carry it on to completion. Sometimes that dream takes longer than you anticipate but that is only because God is using the time to grow and strengthen you into the person who can sustain and thrive when that dream comes to fruition. His timing is always right, you might not see it now, but hindsight is always 20/20.
One of the first desires I rediscovered was my enjoyment of reading. As a kid, I was an avid reader. But in motherhood, I never cracked a book because I couldn’t find the time. When I made it a priority to read for enjoyment again, I rediscovered a piece of myself I had lost.
I found that the time I carved out for myself helped me find joy again. A few minutes a day gave me something to look forward to that honored how God made me. Now reading for fun has become an example to my kids that they picked up on too. And nothing brings me greater joy than seeing my example flourish in my kids.
Dreaming isn’t about wanting more.
It’s about realizing you’re allowed to want at all.
Moms need dreams to remain a whole woman.
And when you are whole—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—everyone around you benefits.
Dreaming isn’t selfish.
It’s sustaining.
And it’s one of the quiet ways you keep your heart alive in the middle of a very full life.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it. Your thoughtfulness might just be what she needs to get through the day.
Also if you want help with the exact challenges you’re facing as mom, head over to jillgockel.com/ask — the link will also be in the show notes — and share your biggest mom stressor. I’ll be tackling these issues in future episodes.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
