Have you ever told yourself, “If I could just make a routine and stick to it, I’d finally feel like a good mom”—
And then a few days later, life happens. The kids wake up early. Someone gets sick. You’re exhausted. You fall off the routine… and the negative self talk starts.
“Why can’t I stick to anything?”
“Other moms do this—why can’t I?”
You’re not alone.
So many moms come into every new season determined to set goals, build a daily routine, and finally feel on top of all the things. But instead of relief, routines often trigger more anxiety and stress, more self criticism, and that heavy feeling of “I feel like a failure as a mom.”
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Today, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
As a busy mom, you’re already stretched thin trying to do all the things —getting the kids where they need to be, keeping the house running, staying patient with your family, praying more, being productive, and somehow still trying to find joy.
You keep telling yourself that if you could just create the perfect daily routine, you’d finally feel like a good mom.
I’ve been there too, making beautiful plans. Morning routines. Evening routines. Weekly schedules.
And every time I failed to stick to them, I felt more discouraged and ashamed.
If you’re like me, that shame doesn’t make you try harder. It makes you want to quit altogether.
Here’s something important to understand:
Your struggle isn’t a character flaw.
It is actually a human brain problem.
In motherhood, it’s easy to believe that if you can’t stick to a routine, it means you lack discipline, motivation, or follow-through.
But the truth is, your brain is wired to resist change—even good change.
Saint Paul describes this exact experience in Romans 7:15-
"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
That verse isn’t about weakness—it’s about being human.
How even when you want to do good things — like building a routine that brings order and peace to your household — there is an internal resistance that pulls you back towards what’s familiar. The things you hate. The things you want to change.
This passage is a reminder that struggling doesn’t make you a bad mom or a lazy one. It makes you a human one.
When you try to make a routine, especially while you’re already an exhausted mom, stressed, and carrying the mental load of being a mom, your brain interprets that new routine as more demand. And when demand increases, anxiety and stress increase too.
So what does the brain do?
It looks for stress relief.
That’s where self-sabotage comes in. Not because you want to fail—but because your brain is trying to protect you from overload.
This is why routines can actually increase anxiety and stress when you’re already doing all the things. Your brain starts whispering narratives like:
“You’re too tired to do this today.”
“You can start again tomorrow.”
“What’s the point?”
And suddenly, old habits feel more comfortable than new ones.
Your life is run primarily on autopilot - for the most part you do the same thing day after day without having to think about it. You get ready in the morning the same way, take the same route when driving, we are creatures of habit. So when you change up your routine, even if it’s to make your life better, your subconscious still wants to pull you back into old habits.
Think about it like a plane that’s set on autopilot. It knows the destination it's going to and flies there without you having to do anything different. When you make a routine in your life that’s new, you have to put in effort to get off autopilot. It’s like grabbing the airplane’s steering wheel and manually turning it so you go in a different direction.
And it works… until you quit putting in the effort to change the course. As soon as you quit putting in the effort, the plane will immediately go back to its old route based on the autopilot settings. You’ll have lost all the ground covered and be set back in your old habits living life on autopilot.
Do you see why the question of how to stick to a routine has to be more than sheer willpower? Old habits die hard.
And the pressure to change turns into chronic stress.
It fuels negative self talk and self criticism.
It makes you feel like you’re always behind — always catching up.
And that stress doesn’t just affect you.
Kids can feel when mom is overwhelmed. They sense the tension. They absorb the hurried energy, the frustration, the emotional exhaustion.
When a mom feels like she’s failing, it becomes harder to show up with patience, joy, and presence—not because you don’t love your kids, but because you’re running on empty.
So if the problem isn’t you…
and the problem isn’t your desire to be a good mom…
Then what is the solution?
Tudie Rose said:
"Excellence comes from the practice of developing good habits. It comes from the doing; not the thinking."
The only way to do something without thinking about it is to put it on autopilot. And in order to put it on autopilot, you have to create a new flight plan.
That starts with knowing your destination.
So many people trying to make a routine without actually thinking about what they want out of it. It’s just something they think they should do but they don’t actually have a vested interest in making the change.
If you don’t have a vested interest in changing, then you’re manually turning the steering wheel without changing the autopilot settings. You can only manhandle it so long before you fall off the wagon and go back to your old ways.
It’s imperative that when you make a routine, your first step is to get clear on what you want the routine to accomplish. Why you want it.
When you do this, something powerful happens in your brain and nervous system. Anxiety drops because ambiguity disappears. Your brain feels safest when it understands why it’s being asked to do something. Without a clear vision, a routine feels like pressure for the sake of productivity. But with a vision, the routine becomes a bridge to something you deeply value — peace in the morning, more patience with your kids, energy in the afternoon, or a calmer bedtime.
Anxiety and stress thrive in meaninglessness. When you are doing something simply because you think you should, your brain interprets that as external pressure. It creates internal resistance. But when you know, “This routine helps me show up as the calm, present mom I want to be,” your brain switches from threat mode to purpose mode. Purpose gives the brain a reason to cooperate instead of rebel.
That’s why routines tied to values are easier to stick with. The brain releases motivation chemicals — like dopamine — when it believes an action matters. Not when it’s impressive. Not when it looks good on paper. But when it aligns with what you care about. If a routine supports what you value — connection, faith, peace, health — your brain sees it as self-protection, instead of self-punishment.
Think about the times you’ve tried to make a routine in the past but didn’t stick with it. Was it aligned with your values?
When you build a routine you think you should do—but it’s not aligned with your values— stress increases almost immediately. Your body may show up, but your heart doesn’t.
This creates cognitive dissonance: you’re forcing yourself to do something that doesn’t actually serve your life. The brain experiences that as friction, and friction leads to exhaustion, resentment, and self-sabotage. Eventually, you quit — not because you lack discipline, but because your nervous system refuses to keep spending energy on something that doesn’t feel right, something that’s not aligned with what you actually value in life.
Once you know your destination, that your new routine is aligned with your value, the next step is to find the easiest way to get there.
I’m talking about the small habits that are so tiny it’s almost laughable to think they’ll make a difference in your life. Go back and listen to episode 20 where we talked about how to create new year resolutions that you can actually stick with. Remember, small habits done consistently over a long period of time, equal giant results. And that episode will show you exactly how to get the small habits you need to stick with a new routine.
Now that you’ve got your plan (your new habits), you want to make the trip enjoyable. What would make this new routine something you can look forward to doing?
The brain is wired to move toward pleasure and away from pain. When a routine feels dull, heavy, or lonely, the brain tags it as something to avoid—even if it’s something that’s good for you. So when you add enjoyment — music you love, your favorite tv show in the background, lighting a candle, or chatting with your kids while doing it — the brain begins to associate the routine with safety and reward.
This matters because stress decreases when the brain feels supported, not coerced. Enjoyment sends a signal to the nervous system that releases dopamine (the feel good hormone), which lowers cortisol and increases the likelihood that you’ll repeat the behavior.
And here’s something moms don’t hear enough:
You are allowed to enjoy the process.
A routine doesn’t need to feel like a discipline camp. It can feel like companionship—with yourself, with God, or with your kids. When kids are involved, a daily routine can even become moments of connection instead of separation. Folding laundry together, tidying while chatting, cooking while listening to music—these moments blend responsibility with relationship. That blend reduces mom guilt and helps you find joy even in the smallest moments.
And the final step to figuring out how to stick to a routine is to have an emergency plan in place. Mama, there WILL be days that you do not want to follow through with your routine. Or days where you can’t, and it’s so hard to start back up.
Remember how the brain is wired to move toward pleasure and away from pain? On the days where you’d rather sit in your pajamas all day watching tv, ignoring your routine, the thought of pushing through is definitely a source of pain.
So this is where you need to shift from present thinking into future self thinking, because this is where long-term change is born.
When you choose to stick to a routine — even when it’s uncomfortable, even when you don’t feel like doing it — you’re practicing something called delayed gratification. Instead of giving your brain the instant relief of not doing your routine, you’re choosing the deeper pleasure your future self will feel: less stress, more order, more peace.
Each time you do this, your brain lays down a new neural pathway. It’s like walking a new trail in the woods. At first, it’s overgrown and hard to follow. But every time you walk it, the path becomes clearer. Eventually, it becomes the default route.
This is how routines become autopilot.
When you repeatedly choose, “I’m willing to feel a little discomfort now so my future self can reap the rewards,” your brain starts to trust that pattern. Over time, the routine stops feeling like effort and starts feeling like identity. Your brain learns: “This is who we are. This is what we do.”
The opposite is also true. When you consistently choose instant relief — scrolling, avoiding, postponing that new routine — the future pain compounds. Stress piles up. Guilt grows. Mom burnout becomes inevitable. And the brain learns to avoid responsibility even more aggressively.
Luckily the brain is incredibly adaptable. No matter how many times you have quit before, the moment you start linking your routine to your values, implement it with small, tiny habits, add a dose of enjoyment to the process, and focus on your future self, your brain begins to rewire itself.
Eventually, the routine doesn’t just help you get things done — it becomes the structure that protects your peace.
And that’s when routines stop feeling like pressure…
and start feeling like love in action.
Saint Josemaría Escrivá said:
"When you bring order into your life your time will multiply, and then you will be able to give God more glory by working more in His service."
Mama, you create order in your life when you make a routine that’s aligned with your values. The more you stick with it, you’ll find that the time you have in your day will multiply unexplainably, where the only answer is God. How did you get more done today? God. How do you have so much free time left in your day? Definitely God.
A routine isn’t about controlling your life—it’s about freeing your mind and heart so you can focus on what matters. God. Your spouse. Your kids.
A routine is not a self worth test.
It’s a support system for your nervous system.
Your goal isn’t to prove you can do it all.
Your goal is to remove the internal debate that leads to self-sabotage.
When you do this, you open up the door to a life where you can thrive.
Creating a routine you can stick with blesses more than just you, it blesses your family too.
When you’re calmer, your kids feel safer.
When you’re less stressed, love flows more freely.
When you stop criticizing yourself, you find joy.
Something to keep in mind as we close out today, sticking to a routine doesn’t mean never missing a day — it means always coming back to it without shame.
That’s grace.
That’s growth.
That’s how real change happens.
Let your routines serve you.
Let God meet you in the small, ordinary moments.
And trust that order built on grace will always lead you back to joy.
You are a good mom.
Right here.
Right now. 💛
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
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Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
