Have you ever had the quiet, painful thought…
“Why does motherhood feel like a job instead of a joy?”
“Why does it feel so heavy?”
“Why does something I love so much feel like work I can’t escape?”
You love your children more than anything in the world. You do all the things for them. But in the middle of getting things done, you also carry the mental load, managing emotional labour, and pushing through stress symptoms that come with being a stressed, exhausted mom.
And yet…somewhere between the laundry, the dishes, the schedules, the messes, and the constant responsibility…joy quietly slips out the back door.
The joy you imagined feels distant. Not gone forever. But buried under mom stress, exhaustion, and pressure.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for not feeling happy all the time as a mom…
this episode is for you.
Because today we’re talking about why motherhood can start to feel like a job—
and how, with God’s help, you can reclaim peace, connection, and joy again.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Today, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
There are seasons of motherhood where your days feel like one long checklist.
Wake up.
Feed everyone.
Clean up.
Break up arguments.
Answer questions.
Plan meals.
Manage schedules.
Carry the invisible weight inside a mom’s brain that never, ever turns off.
By bedtime, you have technically done everything a good mom is supposed to do.
But inside?
You feel empty. Tired in a way that sleep didn’t fix. Quietly wondering… Is this just what motherhood is?
And the hardest part isn’t the work. It’s the loss of joy.
I’ve been there. It’s not fun. But sometimes it feels like it’s the only option. Just survive the day. Survive the season.
Here’s the truth many moms are afraid to say out loud:
Motherhood can slowly shift from a relationship… into a role.
From connection… into constant responsibility.
From joyful… to simply getting through the day.
Not because you don’t love your children. But because the mental load, chronic stress, and endless needs push your nervous system into survival mode. And survival mode cannot feel joy. It can only focus on getting through the day.
So instead of savoring moments…you’re managing behaviors. Cleaning messes. Solving problems. Meeting needs. Doing everything.
And when motherhood feels like performance instead of presence, joy quietly slips away and you start wondering how to be a good mom while still doing all the things.
Then self comparison sneaks in.
Other moms look happier. More patient. More organized. More joyful.
And suddenly the lie appears: “Maybe I’m the problem.” “Maybe I just can’t handle motherhood.” “Maybe I’m failing as a mom.”
That belief alone can multiply mom stress faster than anything else.
But God never designed motherhood to feel like endless pressure.
Galatians 5:22, tells us:
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
Did you notice what’s in the middle of that list?
Joy.
Not productivity. Not perfection. Not exhaustion. Joy.
Which means if joy is missing…it’s not because you’re a bad mother. It’s because something in the way motherhood is being carried is heavier than God intended.
When motherhood feels like a job, several things begin to happen quietly. Because jobs are measured by performance, moms start measuring themselves all day long:
Am I patient enough?
Productive enough?
Grateful enough?
Calm enough?
Am I good enough?
This constant self-evaluation keeps the body in chronic stress, raising cortisol, draining energy, and leading to mom burnout and emotional numbness.
Second, your mental load steals the present moment. Even while playing with your kids, part of your mind is still running on all the things you should be doing.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been there physically with my kids but mentally, I’m running through the rest of the week trying to figure out how to orchestrate everything to get it all done.
When you’re like this, you’re in work-mode and feel like you can never turn it off. Because if you turned it off, something would fall through the cracks. And this leads to overwhelm.
When you’re overwhelmed, your brain focuses on the task at hand:
stopping problems
correcting behaviors
getting things done
instead of slowing down to bask in:
delight
play
listening
eye contact
warmth
Your kids feel it when you’re physically there but emotionally somewhere else. They connect to presence, not performance. Honestly, kids need more than their physical needs to be cared for and for a supervisor to be monitoring their every action.
Kids need to feel joy and connection to feel secure. And that comes from their interaction with you when you are present parenting.
And finally, when motherhood feels like a job, the outcome you want most — a happy, peaceful family life — feels further away, even though you’re trying harder than ever to capture it.
When you are focused on the job at hand, motherhood simply feels heavier with less laughter, less play, and less lightheartedness.
Truly, the mom who wants happy children the most and who are the most willing to do whatever it takes to raise happy, successful children are often the moms who feel the least happy themselves.
So the question becomes: How do you reclaim joy when motherhood feels heavy? How do you feel peace when nothing about your day is quiet?
Here’s the hope I want to gently place in your hands today:
Nothing is “wrong” with you. The answer isn’t trying harder. It’s not being more productive. It’s not becoming supermom.
The shift that restores joy is much simpler than that.
Psalm 16:11, gives us a promise:
“You will show me the path to life, abounding joy in your presence.”
Did you catch that? Joy is found in presence.
Not performance. Not perfection. Not proving you can do all the things.
Just… presence. With God. With your kids. With this moment.
So how exactly do you make motherhood stop feeling like a job and start feeling like a source of joy in your life?
The turning point comes when you stop asking:
How do I get everything done?
and starts asking:
How do I connect right now?
Because when connection becomes the goal, motherhood stops feeling like a job almost instantly.
The pressure lifts. The evaluation fades. The invisible scoreboard disappears. And something surprising happens. Joy comes back. Not because life got easier — but because you’re finally living inside it again.
It’s time to shift from performance to presence, and in doing so, the entire emotional framework of motherhood will change for you in an instant because the goal changed!
Instead of asking all day:
Did I do enough?
Was I patient enough?
Is my house clean enough?
Am I a good enough mom?
Start asking:
Did I connect with my kids today?
That single shift is powerful because jobs are measured by productivity whereas relationships are measured by connection. Motherhood shouldn’t be a job, it should be a relationship.
Here’s how to know the difference:
A job always has:
Tasks to finish;
Standards to meet;
Performance to evaluate; and
The possibility of failure
Does this sound like the familiar soundtrack of your mind? It does for me! And that’s how I know I’ve shifted from relationship building to work-mode.
When motherhood is framed around doing, the brain treats it like employment. There’s always more to do → you’re never finished → you feel constant pressure → that leads to emotional exhaustion … also known as mom burnout or depleted mother syndrome.
But connection works differently!
You cannot “fail” a hug. You cannot “do badly” at eye contact. You cannot be “unproductive” while listening when listening is the goal.
The moment connection becomes the goal, pressure drops because relationship replaces performance. Instead of thinking I have so much to do, you start thinking I’m with someone I love.
And that alone brings relief to a stressed nervous system.
Let’s go back to that scripture verse, with a different translation that I love which says: “You will show me the path to life, in your presence there is fullness of joy,”
It’s time to tap into that presence:
First, seek God’s presence in the Word. Spend time each morning filling yourself with God’s love and promises of the Bible. My biggest tip for you is to find the Bible that works best for you. If you’re reading, get a translation you can easily understand. My personal favorite is the New Living Translation Catholic Edition.
When you read a translation that is easy to understand, the scriptures come alive in a new way, allowing God to impart Wisdom to you that is curated specifically for what you’re going through in life.
Whenever a thought or insight pops in your mind while reading, write it down. That’s the Holy Spirit nudging you with wisdom that will bring blessing to your life.
Alternatively, you can listen to the scriptures instead. Grab the Bible App or Hallow app and listen to the daily scripture readings. Or tune in to the Bible in a Year podcast.
Those are all ways to bring God into your day and feel his presence. When you do this, the fruits of the Holy Spirit that we heard about in Galatians will come upon you.
And what mom couldn’t use the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?! You gain access to these fruits by pursuing God and getting to know him in scriptures.
Second, pursue a relationship with your kids.
Find ways to make them smile. Tell them a joke. Give them a hug. Ask about their day and keep the conversation going. When the goal is connection, you really can’t ask enough questions because you’re trying to get to know them.
Seek ways to spend time together. Read a book to them, or let them read to you. Play a board game or grab a deck of cards. Go to the park together and instead of sitting on the bench with your phone, interact with them. Hop on the swings with them, race down the slides, start a basketball game with them.
I promise, this interaction will be the highlight of their day! And yours too!!!
The best part about making your goal for the day about presence instead of performance is that presence restores meaning—the opposite of burnout.
Burnout doesn’t just come from being tired. It comes from effort without felt meaning.
Jobs can feel meaningless when they’re repetitive. But connection always carries meaning, because love is meaningful by nature.
As you choose presence, even briefly, you instantly feel:
purpose
warmth
closeness
significance
And meaning is the fastest antidote to emotional exhaustion.
It’s an instant emotional shift. Nothing external has to change:
the dishes are still there
the laundry is still there
the schedule is still full
But internally, everything changes:
From pressure → to peace
From striving → to sharing
From job → to relationship
And that is why the shift from performance to presence can be felt almost immediately in a mother’s heart.
And God fills tiny ordinary moments with grace:
a child’s laugh
a quiet cuddle
sunlight through the window
five peaceful minutes
It’s almost surprising how something so small can change the entire emotional tone of a day.
The quick hug in the kitchen, the silly joke in the car, the way your child reached for your hand — in these tiny ordinary moments, God brings your attention quietly away from everything that feels unfinished and towards everything that is already meaningful.
And wherever attention goes, emotion tends to follow.
So instead of your mind constantly scanning for problems, it starts to notice connection, warmth, and love that were there all along but hidden under stress.
Mama, joy often disappears in motherhood not because it’s gone, but because it gets buried under urgency.
There are always dishes, schedules, behavior corrections, messages to answer, and a hundred tiny responsibilities pulling at your thoughts. When life feels like a checklist, the brain filters for efficiency instead of beauty.
Small moments don’t register as important because they don’t accomplish anything measurable. But the instant you slow down enough to truly seek a relationship with your child, everything shifts towards Godly peace that surpasses all understanding.
Your nervous system relaxes. Time feels less rushed. And joy — quiet, gentle joy — has space to grow again.
St. Thérèse of Lisieux once said:
“Joy is not found in the things that surround us, but lives only in the soul.”
Which means the joy you’re longing for in motherhood isn’t somewhere out there…based on your performance. It’s already waiting inside you, ready to return the moment you seek presence with God and presence with your children.
God placed these children in your life not just so you could raise them but so you could find joy with them.
So tonight, laugh a little louder. Play a little longer. Hold them a little closer.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
