Have you ever walked into a room full of moms or scrolled social media and suddenly felt smaller?
Like everyone else is doing motherhood better.
More patient. More organized. More joyful.
And without even realizing it, your heart begins to whisper, Maybe I’m not a good mom… Maybe I’m failing as a mom…Maybe I need to try harder… Do more… Be more like them…
That quiet self comparison doesn’t just hurt your self esteem. It quietly multiplies your stress, fuels mom guilt, and slowly steals your joy in motherhood.
Today’s episode is for the mom who feels trapped in that cycle — constantly wondering what others think, shrinking from the woman God created you to be, and feeling exhausted from trying to prove your self worth to others.
Because here’s the truth we’re going to uncover together:
When you finally see yourself the way God sees you… you stop performing, you start living, and joy comes rushing back into your life—and into your home.
Welcome to Conquer Mom Stress—the podcast that helps you stress less and enjoy motherhood more. If you’ve ever crawled into bed at night completely exhausted, but still feel like there’s so much left to do, you are in the right place.
I’m your host, Jill Gockel—and I believe that motherhood is meant to feel joyful, not exhausting. Today, we’ll uncover what’s really fueling your stress and give you the practical tools to conquer it—so you can finally feel like the confident mom you were made to be.
Also, if you have a specific question or issue you’re stressing about, head over to jillgockel.com/ask to submit your question and who knows, you might just be featured in an upcoming episode so you can get practical, real-world solutions to the exact challenges you’re facing.
There have been so many times when I have worried what others think, hoping that other moms would look at me with their approval and accept me into their circle.
I found myself quietly measuring everything I did against them.
I’d notice another mother who seemed calmer, more put together, who had a look of serene peace on their faces with their perfectly behaved kids sitting beside them.
Meanwhile I felt buried under mental load, mom stress, and the pressure of doing it all. I felt like I was a mess and was so far beneath these other moms. An outsider.
And every comparison led to more self criticism. More negative self-talk. More quiet wondering, What do they think of me? What should I be doing differently?
Outwardly, I kept getting things done, kept showing up. But inside, my self value felt smaller and smaller.
And the hardest part? I didn’t realize that seeking approval from other moms
was slowly robbing me of the joy God already placed inside my life.
Here’s what’s happening when you, as a mom, becomes focused on the opinions of others:
You stop showing up as your authentic self — the unique, beautiful woman that God created.
Instead, you perform. You edit your personality. Question your instincts. Overthink every parenting decision. And live in constant self evaluation.
That pressure creates real anxiety and stress which shows up as:
low self esteem symptoms
constant self comparison
fear of doing the wrong thing
feeling like a failure as a mom
rising mom burnout
All while you’re still trying to be a good mom, parenting with love.
It’s no wonder you feel exhausted. Because you aren’t just raising children — You’re trying to earn approval. And that is a weight that God never asked you to carry.
Galatians 1:10 says:
“Am I now seeking human approval or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
That verse is incredibly freeing. It’s a reminder that you were never called to be approved by other moms. You were called to be loved by God. To be a servant of Christ.
And those are very different lives. One produces stress. The other produces joy.
When a mother lives trapped in comparison, three things happen.
First, your mental load grows heavier. Your mind constantly analyzes how you’re measuring up. That ongoing pressure drains emotional energy and increases mom stress.
Second, your connection with your kids weaken — not for lack of love but because comparison pulls your attention outward instead of inward. You’re thinking about how you look… instead of being present parenting in the unique way that fits you and your family.
And kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a joyful mom who is emotionally there. Psalms 37:4 says to delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
It doesn’t say take delight in others, comparing yourself to others. Seeking their approval robs you of your joy because you are meant to get your joy from the Lord. When you delight in him and the gifts he has given you, your kids, he will give you the desires of your heart - joy, happiness, kids who love you and are flourishing in life.
The third issue with being stuck in comparison is that it teaches your children the wrong lesson about self worth.
Kids learn more from what you model than what you say. So when they see a mom who loves herself, knows her value, and lives free from comparison… they learn to love themselves too.
And that’s how you raise emotionally healthy, confident, happy children.
So how do you step out of comparison and back into freedom, joy, and peace?
The answer is not trying harder to be confident. It’s understanding God’s truth about who you are.
In Isaiah 43:4
God says: “You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.”
This is the foundation of building self worth that never shakes.
Because true self value doesn’t come from performance.
It comes from belonging to God.
Not when you become a better mom.
Not when you stop making mistakes.
Not with other people's approval.
But right now.
When you begin living from your God-given worth instead of human approval, everything changes.
You stop noticing the onlookers around you and start noticing the opportunities to shine as yourself, making the decisions that are best for you & your family without regard to what anyone else will think.
This lowers anxiety and stress because your brain is no longer under constant judgment, judgement from yourself & fear of judgement from others.
You learn how to stop comparing yourself to others by turning your attention back to God and the gifts he has given you - your children, your life, and your calling.
As I’m sure you can guess, the first step to stopping the comparison loop is to dive into the Word of God.
As you focus on God and what he says about you, you fill your mind with encouraging Bible verses and bible verses for moms that remind you of who you are.
Remember, you are precious in God’s eyes, you are honored, and you are loved.
You don’t need the approval of anyone else. Bask in his love and adoration. The more you turn to him, the more IN TUNE you become to his voice of love and guidance.
Romans 12:2 says:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what the will of God is - what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Truth quiets self criticism in a way that human approval never can.
Seeking the approval of others causes you to shrink yourself, hide who you really are. But when you renew your mind with God’s word, you allow yourself to live authentically — laughing, playing, and loving without worrying how it looks.
And this authenticity rebuilds self esteem while reducing mom burnout.
Do you remember the story of David, when the ark of the covenant was brought back to Jerusalem?
2 Samuel 6 describes it:
“David and all the people of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouts of joy and with the sound of trumpets. But as the Ark of the Lord entered the city of David, Michal, daughter of Saul (who was one of David’s wives) looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him.”
Then it goes on to say that when David returned to bless his own family, she came out to meet him and said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly uncovering himself before the eyes of the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”
Now at this point, David could have easily let the approval of others cause him to shrink, moving his eyes off of God and hiding his light of the Lord so that he blended in with the crowd. But instead, he cared only about God’s approval and responded,
“I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrated before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!”
How many times have you been with your kids in public and wanted to join in with them, connect with them and make fun memories together. But then your eyes turned to those around you and you worried what they might think.
Would they be turned off by your behavior like David’s wife? Would they turn away from you and give you the cold shoulder because you’re not the well-put together mom they think you should be?
When you let the judgement of others resound louder in your mind than God’s approval, you become a cheapened version of yourself, not living up to the person God created you to be.
Have you ever tried to wear a pair of jeans that you’ve outgrown? They’re a little too tight on your waist, a little too constrictive on your thighs. But you are desperate to fit into them because of how you think they’ll make you look.
As soon as you squeeze into them and go out for the evening, you find that you cannot fully enjoy your time.
You can’t bend and move like you usually do because your jeans fit too tight. You can’t eat as much as you’d like to because they’re already cutting into your stomach. You can’t fully enjoy the moment with your friends because your mind is stuck on how uncomfortable you feel in your jeans, even if they do give off the image you were hoping for.
This is what it’s like to try to conform to the people around you. God made you to stand out in the crowd, not blend in. And when you try to stuff your God-sized self into a pair of too small jeans that portray the image you think will be approved by others, it’s simply uncomfortable.
Instead, be like David, who was more than happy to risk making a fool of himself in order to praise God. And there is no better way to praise God than by living full out, unafraid of judgement because you are too busy shining God’s light, singing his praises, and modeling carefree love.
The second step to turning away from seeking human approval is to look for opportunities to connect with your kids in deeper ways.
I have found that the most memorable moments for my kids are when I show up to play full out, without worrying what others will think. When I do this, they can feel the authenticity of the connection and that hits them to the core because they feel I’m not holding back.
One day our family went to a park together. Many times, I’ll sit on the sideline and let them do their thing while I catch a little me-time. But this day, I decided to engage.
I joined in zombie tag, racing after them, trying to eat their brains, running away from them while trying to escape their zombie-ness. I was not quiet. Frankly I was making a fool of myself.
Then I sat on the spring rider, bouncing around with them until we fell off and giggled like crazy. And then I headed to the basketball court where instead of trying to take the game seriously, my goal was to make them laugh. I guarded like a maniac, swinging arms wildly, jumping around them in a circle, running down the court Phoebe-style (if you’ve ever seen that episode of Friends).
And It. Was. A. Blast. My heart was exploding with joy.
Now there were plenty of times I looked around, seeing the onlookers, and I felt myself want to shrink, to stop being so loud and silly, and instead look like the perfect mom who is above all that.
But in that moment of temptation to hide myself, God reminded me of the joy of the Holy Spirit that was in the works of shining through me onto my kids.
And I decided, who cares what others think? I care more about this moment with God and my kids than I care about the opinions of others.
And I doubled down on my silly behavior.
We had so much fun and for days, my kids would bring up how much they enjoyed that time at the park. My 14 year old would repeatedly tell me how the basketball game was his favorite part. My 12 year old would recount how fun it was when I caught her after spinning her too fast on one of the rides, and my younger kids would bring up the zombie game over and over.
And that brings us to the third step for stopping comparison and fear of judgement. Become hyper away of the temptation to shrink and make a decision on what is more important to you - the approval of others or the approval of God.
God wants you to show up authentically, unafraid to praise him and unafraid to boldly pursue love and connection with your kids.
What’s interesting is when you think back to the story of David, he said that he was willing to look foolish and to feel humiliated in his own eyes. But that by doing so, the servants would regard him as distinguished and honored.
The same is true for you. When you play full out with your kids or make decisions based on what God wants for you, instead of what others think about you, the people who have God in their hearts will regard you as honored.
They’ll look at you and feel in awe of your self confidence to show up authentically, caring more about having fun with your kids than the image you portray to others.
And that actually gives these onlookers permission to do the same in their own life! Your example of showing up authentically, despite what others may think, allows others to show up authentically too.
What if we lived in a world where everyone cared more about living life full of God’s love and spreading that love to others around them? Isn’t that the kind of world you hope for your kids to experience?
It starts with you, and creates a ripple effect on those around you.
I promise, while there will still be people who judge you like David’s wife judged him, those people do not have God in their heart. Anyone who does have God in their heart will be in awe of your audacity and will see the joy of the Lord in you.
St. Catherine of Siena said:
“Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.”
Don’t be who other moms expect you to be. Don’t be who comparison tells you to become.
Just be who God created you to be.
And that woman? She is already enough.
That single shift brings joy, strengthens relationships, and helps you truly find joy in everyday motherhood.
Imagine waking up without the pressure of proving yourself. Imagine parenting from peace instead of stress. Imagine enjoying your kids without the constant whisper of comparison.
That is the freedom God desires for you.
And when you live that freedom, something beautiful happens: Your children grow up seeing confidence. Security. Faith. Joy.
They learn their self worth not from the world — but from the love they watched in you.
Mama, if you’ve been comparing yourself to others, feeling buried in mom stress, wondering if you’re enough… hear this clearly: You already are.
God is not asking you to become a different mom.
He’s inviting you to be a free mom. A peaceful one. A joyful one. A mother rooted in God’s love instead of approval.
And that kind of motherhood doesn’t just change your life — it changes your children’s future too.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of Conquer Mom Stress. If today’s conversation encouraged you, hit follow and leave a review. That lets me know that these episodes are hitting the topics you need.
And while you’re there, share this podcast with another mom who might need to hear it.
Remember, this is your place to pause, reset, and start conquering mom stress — one small step at a time.
Motherhood isn’t meant to drain the life out of you.
It’s meant to be lived with joy, even on the messy days.
And together, we’re gonna find that joy again.
