Why It Feels Like Every Mom Has It Together (But You Don’t)

comparison mom stress mom tips Sep 16, 2025

Do you ever scroll through Instagram and wonder:
“Why does it look like every mom has it all together—while I’m barely surviving the day?”

You see the Pinterest-perfect lunches, spotless homes, and moms who casually mention they’re baking sourdough from scratch… while you’re standing in the kitchen wondering what’s for dinner.

If you’ve ever whispered to yourself, “What is wrong with me?”—you’re not alone. And here’s the truth: nothing is wrong with you.

In this post (Based on Episode 5 of the Conquer Mom Stress podcast, click to listen now), we’ll unpack why moms so often feel like they’re failing—even when they’re not. You’ll also discover three powerful strategies to stop comparing yourself, reduce mom stress, and reclaim joy in motherhood.

Why Moms Feel Like They’re Failing

The problem isn’t that you’re failing at motherhood. It’s that your brain is wired for social comparison.

Psychologists call this Social Comparison Theory—an automatic process where you measure yourself against others to figure out if you’re “good enough.” Back in caveman times, this helped you stay in the group and survive.

But today? This survival instinct gets hijacked by social media highlight reels and unrealistic cultural expectations. Add in your brain’s negativity bias (focusing on what’s wrong instead of what’s right), and you get a perfect storm of mom stress, guilt, and burnout.

👉 Fact: Research from the University of Copenhagen found people who use social media more often are 55% more likely to feel stress and inadequacy.

It’s not that you’re doing motherhood wrong—it’s that your brain is stuck comparing your real-life chaos to someone else’s curated online version.

The Hidden Stress Cycle

Comparison doesn’t just affect your thoughts. It rewires your brain and body.

Here’s what happens when you scroll and think, “She’s got it all together, and I don’t”:

Your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) sends out danger signals.
Cortisol (the stress hormone) spikes.
Blood flow shifts away from the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that controls decision-making, focus, and patience.

That means:

You feel foggy and disorganized.
You snap more easily at your kids.
Joy feels harder to access.
Your sleep, energy, and immune system all take a hit.

And it doesn’t stop with you—your kids pick up on it too.

When you’re distracted, irritable, or drained, children mirror that energy. Over time, they learn to measure themselves by external standards too (grades, likes, appearance). Your stress becomes theirs.

As Teddy Roosevelt said:

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

3 Strategies to Break Free from Comparison

Here’s the good news: You can train your brain to break the comparison cycle. These three strategies will help you lower stress, lift your mood, and enjoy motherhood again.

1. Limit Your Inputs

Stop the scroll. Curate your feed like your pantry:

Unfollow accounts that spark guilt or jealousy.
Follow moms who share honesty, not perfection.
Set a 5–10 minute timer when you use social media.

Less input = fewer cortisol spikes.

2. Ground Yourself in Truth

Like racehorses wear blinders to block distractions, you need mental blinders too.

Every time comparison sneaks in, remind yourself:
👉 “Her story isn’t my story. My worth is not defined by her highlight reel.”

3. Practice Social Comparison Reappraisal

Instead of letting comparison fuel shame, reframe it into inspiration.

Instead of: “She’s better than me, so I’m failing.”
Try: “She’s ahead in this area, and that can inspire me.”

This shift literally changes your brain chemistry—releasing dopamine and oxytocin (your feel-good hormones).

What Your Kids Really Want

Here’s the bottom line: your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a present mom.

They don’t care if the laundry sits unfolded or if dinner is cereal. What matters is your presence, mood, and joy.

One night, after a long day, my daughter told me:

“Mom, you’re rocking this mom thing today.”

It wasn’t because the house was clean or the to-do list was finished. It was because I was encouraging, silly, and engaged.

That’s what our kids remember. Not perfection. But presence.

One Small Step for Today

Next time you catch yourself scrolling and thinking, “Why can’t I get it together?”, pause and practice this:

Limit Inputs → Scroll less, unfollow more.
Ground Yourself → “Her story isn’t my story.”
Reframe Comparison → Let it inspire, not shame.

Your worth isn’t measured against another mom’s highlight reel. You’re already enough—flaws and all.

As Galatians 6:4 reminds us:

“Each one must examine his own work… and not in regard to someone else.”

Final Encouragement

Mama, you are not failing. You’re human.
The work you’re doing matters—even if no one posts about it.

Comparison might be a brain default, but joy is your choice. And every time you step out of the comparison cycle, you not only lighten your load—you also model freedom, presence, and resilience for your kids.

✨ If this encouraged you, share it with another mom who needs to know she’s not alone. And if you want to ask me your biggest motherhood question, head to jillgockel.com/ask—I’d love to hear from you.